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Need a Break
Contributed by
monkeykh1313
on
Thursday, 20th April 2006 @ 10:01:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
hbadday
|
Overworked everyday
No one understands
Softball, girl scouts, friends, family, school
All pulling me in different directions
Need a break from this life
Wish I had a vacation, oh wait…
I already did…so much for that
Nobody knows what I feel
Not a soul knows the real me
Sometimes I wish I was someone else
Someone who could have all the time in the world
So they could please everyone in their life
But that won’t ever happen because there’s too much
So much to do, so little time, and it’s hard
Just can’t wait to let it all go and sometimes I dream
What if things were different?
And all I had to worry about was the present day and time
Nothing was straining or pulling
Nothing at all to rely on me
Everything would be perfectly calm
And if I ever live through this storm I will know
I will know that I made it through because of one thing
That one thing is hope
Everything revolves around that one word
I hope that I can make it…and hope that everything will be fine
Why do they all complain?
It’s them that pushed me to do all of this stuff
After all, isn’t this what they wanted?
A perfect person who can do anything and everything
Yeah, right, now they just want everything for themselves
They ask why the world revolves around me but I have an answer
The world hardly revolves around me but you make it seem so
And let me ask you something
If you spend a day doing what I do
In my life, in my shoes, as busy as I am, and feel all that I feel,
Wouldn’t you be writing this too?
Copyright ©
monkeykh1313
... [
2006-04-20 22:01:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Need a Break
(User Rating: 1 )
by PGreene on
Wednesday, 26th April 2006 @ 01:37:02 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| interesting...not sure if i particularily liked this poem. It mite be because the poem itself was about a meaningless thing that everyone experiences,but i know that good poems can be written about things like that. ur problem is that u do focus on you too much. With a poem like this, u need to relate back to the general people more than with just the last line. The other reason i didnt like it was because it was in freeverse, which isnt bad, but it had no flow until the end. This made it even harder to follow and i endedup emphasizing much of ur woes and less of your hope message...i know you have talent, so mebbe u could think about revising it a little bit. |
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Re: Need a Break
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 4th October 2006 @ 08:37:43 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Well I was sitting here wondering why you hadn't posted more often and da here it is.
I've been writing since 1979 and I've read thousands on this site over the years I've been here.
Let's re group here.
In my opionon this is a masterpeice. I can remember times when I felt this way when I was younger and raising my children alone.
The fact that it's something any body can relate to that makes a masterpeice in my book.
It took me back a ways and that was plesure.
Keep writing. Ur good.
huggs, smiles,
emyOh and a belated welcome to our home here. |
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