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I am
Contributed by
mama4lyf
on
Monday, 10th April 2006 @ 02:31:05 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Empty dreams, empty desires
forever longing life, longing ability to open
to express, to show who I am.
Does the pain, and the deepness of the cuts
you leave inside me matter?
Nothing matters now, cause me matters no more to you.
No more tears that I will cry because of you.
The ability to express my own self and not be the
perfect image of what you wanting me to be
is all I need, to be the slightest of happy.
Copyright ©
mama4lyf
... [
2006-04-10 02:31:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I am
(User Rating: 1 )
by JGB on
Monday, 10th April 2006 @ 03:40:58 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I do think this is a good write for the most part. You feel what you write. That is what is important.
The only thing is a line space between,
"Does the pain, and the deepness of the cuts you leave inside me matter?"
and,
"Nothing matters now, cause me matters no more to you. No more tears that i will cry because of you."
I do feel you though and I like your poem. |
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Re: I am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Caged Soul on
Monday, 10th April 2006 @ 07:08:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I really appretiate it when poets can match their style of writing to the over-all mood of the poem; the structure speaks of someone who is lost &confused- maybe angry?
But it also shows someone who is not about to give in or go down without a fight.
i enjoyed reading this
Ash
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Re: I am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jazzy on
Monday, 10th April 2006 @ 10:49:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Hey Sweets... I liked this poem alot , it was easy to relate to .. for me anyway ... as for telling you how to improve...keep writing thats how you improve but this poem will always be special and an individual as I'm sure you are an individual also... nothing needs to be done to this poem, we can all use some help but it has to come from us because if it comes from someone else than that poem no longer belongs to us and then we get caught up in trying to make a poem good rather than writing for our own souls and our own escape from the world...keep it up ..Jazzy |
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