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courpted mind
Contributed by
weeme
on
Friday, 7th April 2006 @ 07:35:39 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Courpted mind
I hate this life
I hate this day
I hate every word
That you do say
It annoys me when I see you
It annoys me when I hear you
But mostly it annoys me
When I am not near you
But true to my feelings
what can I say?
I cant stand you
So plz stay away
For this feeling is so strong
Yet its is only four letters long
This word that I am feeling
Tuely has some meaning
Copyright ©
weeme
... [
2006-04-07 07:35:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: courpted mind
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 7th April 2006 @ 10:45:15 AM AEST
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a Message)
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First of all, your teaser to your poem is very unattractive. “the problem with my poems r no1 understands so plz leave a comment”. Please, please, please, do not beg people to comment. Most of the time this leads potential readers to think you an inferior writer who is just begging for attention. Using words such as plz and ‘r no 1 understands’ is also a very big turn off.
As for the poem, it was some what decent. I’m not sure if your intent was to have contradicting statements in your write, to me it seems that way. The title helps the reader understand these negations and help makes the read fairly enjoyable.
~D.S. Hammoulton~
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Re: courpted mind
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kimberlynn on
Friday, 7th April 2006 @ 07:05:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I agree with DSHammoulton. I thought it was okay, even though the vibe I get is just confusion from the person, so you got the feeling through. |
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