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Every Second I Breathe. Every Lie I Ever Told.
Contributed by
MG_Akela22090
on
Saturday, 1st April 2006 @ 01:58:59 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
I’m staring straight through you. I’m staring into a future I’m not sure I want. I’m staring into nothing and everything. Drowning in my fear. Drowning in my sorrow.
The raven came to meet me today, flying by my car, his voice ringing in ears. The sky hovers like an omen, cracking under the pressure of my past. Every bad thing, every lie, every second I cared that you were living, is being taken back and thrown at me. Every word you say hurts me more. Every second you breathe is knife in my heart because I can’t love you anymore.
Everyday I’m lost on the same question and the same fate. I swore I would make it better, but every time I try, things get worse. My love is a poison and killing everyone around me. Every second I breathe, some one is hurt.
I can’t see where this is going and I can’t pray to make it better. I can’t hold onto to this hope any longer. If bullets could erase the past, I would put several in my head. If knives could make pain disappear and not create it, I would cut myself everyday.
But life just isn’t that way.
I wonder sometimes what makes you hate me. I try so hard, I try to make it all go away, but things never come out right. My words become scrambled and you hate me more. Every day you have to remind me of a lie, or a wrong to make me feel alone.
Everyday I’m asking the same questions. Everyday, the pain becomes more.
Do you think I’m lying when I say I want to make it better? Do you think I’m lying when I say I love you? Do you think that every second I’m holding you, I’m faking it? Do you know that I’m blind to all this, that every shred of anger you hold, hurts me more?
This is to both of you. To the one I love and to the one I used to. Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do? Every question I ask is wrong. I should shut my mouth and disappear. There’s nothing left for me to hide from you. I’ve got nothing left. Don’t make me show you what I can do…
I don’t want to hurt anyone else. I just want to live. I want to be happy. I don’t want to be hated for every lie I ever told. I don’t want to be berated for every bad thing I ever say or for every stumble I make.
You force me to put on a fake smile and a fake laugh every day. You force me to cry alone. You force me to be strong when I just want to be weak and have somebody else fight my battles. You force me to hurt myself when no one is there to help me up.
You’re making everything bleed. To the one I love: I’ll love you forever. I’ll love you until I die weather it be now or later.
To the one I used to love: You’re burned straight into my head. I’ll be haunted by you for the rest of my life. You make me die inside and you make me hate myself. You make me cry when I hear your voice echoes through the halls of my house.
To you both: I need a new start. I need you to forgive me for whatever I do. You are staring at a dying person. Save me or I’ll be gone for good…
Copyright ©
MG_Akela22090
... [
2006-04-01 13:58:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Every Second I Breathe. Every Lie I Ever Told.
(User Rating: 1 )
by sararose1950 on
Saturday, 1st April 2006 @ 04:09:38 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| Very moving- I can relate to this; but I think anyone who will not let you forget past mistakes and see you as you are now is not worth wasting words or energy on- leave them ,where they choose to be, in your past- the future awaits you. Peace and Light |
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