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Daddy
Contributed by
Aeris030388
on
Thursday, 30th March 2006 @ 05:51:17 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Daddy.
Daddy?
What did I do wrong now?
I don't understand what reason you have
to attack me with words
and scar me like this.
I know I'm not as smart as you want me to be
but I try.
I'm not as pretty as you wish I was
but do my looks really matter that much to you?
You've already told me -
several times -
that you wish I wasn't around.
But, Daddy, don't you understand?
I never wanted the money
you gave me
or the things you sent to me
I never needed all those things
but I was grateful.
I said "thank you".
No, Daddy, all I ever wanted
was to hear you say
"Well done, Roxanne, I'm proud of you
and I love you."
I've been waiting
18 years
since the day I was born
to hear those words from your lips.
No, Daddy.
It's too late now.
I've realised that, while I will always love you,
I don't need you.
I'm sorry, Dad.
You don't exist to me anymore.
Just like I've never existed to you.
Copyright ©
Aeris030388
... [
2006-03-30 05:51:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Daddy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 30th March 2006 @ 06:06:34 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Hmm now. This is very direct. While hat is not necessarily bad (often quite the contrary), it would be better if some of the emotion and thoughts expressed here were expressed through imagery and/or metaphor rather than directly. Keep writing, this ability will come. I like the line breaks and the way this moves across the page - it is well-timed.
I'd encourage you to read as much poetry as you can; here, and pick up some poetry books by good poets if you can. I'm fond of Seamus Heaney, whose work is easy to find and very original.
Keep at it.
Andrew |
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Re: Daddy
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Thursday, 30th March 2006 @ 04:24:54 PM AEST
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Yeah, I agree with Andrew. I don't know, this came across as a little too unemotional, to me. It was good though, I did like it. I'm starting to wonder if it was meant to come across as detatched and angry.
If so, you did will.
Great write.
*hugs*
Phil xxx |
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Re: Daddy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 1st April 2006 @ 10:22:39 AM AEST
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This is so sad...No child or adult should have to endure this.....
You have stated your case well..... it's very emotional..
I hope some day you can find peace with this situation...
Jenni |
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Re: Daddy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Caged Soul on
Monday, 24th April 2006 @ 01:52:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Hi Roxanne
Firstly, welcome to YPDC, ZI know you are gonna enjoy your stay here!
I can relate to this poem more than i care to admit. It's like I was supposed to write this poem. I have the same situation with my parents at the moment, where I do wanna make our relationship work, but I'm at a stage of my life where just stepping up to them and start a conversation requires so much pride swallowing it's just plain torture. I still love them though, always will.
Your poem speaks truth to the ears of the reader and conveys a true sence of shared emotion.
Good job!
Ash~ |
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