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Giggling shiver never smile
Contributed by
In_a_While
on
Wednesday, 29th March 2006 @ 08:46:17 PM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
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I believe i'm dead again
a dried up fish at noon
bloody hands hold heavy head
drip tears of evening through
buried in this hill of snow
i powder lies to dry
never know me where i go
like the stranger in your eye
"Jack and Jill have popped a pill?!
with life they will not bother...
Jack fell down,
began to drown,
and Jill came trembling after...?!!"
Giggling shiver never smile
numbness knows me well
bathing in her morphine bile
and this is still not hell???
porcelain memory let me fall
and crash through veins of glass
i wish i had some time to stall
cause i'm still running from my past...
dw
Copyright ©
In_a_While
... [
2006-03-29 20:46:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Giggling shiver never smile
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tiffyo4 on
Wednesday, 29th March 2006 @ 08:51:10 PM AEST
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very nice poem thanks for the comment
tiff |
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Re: Giggling shiver never smile
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 29th March 2006 @ 08:51:14 PM AEST
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hello dw. This poem really is nice. It flows beautifully, I could hear some of my favorite poet styles in yours. Lovely work.
RaquelLeah |
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Re: Giggling shiver never smile
(User Rating: 1 )
by twick on
Wednesday, 29th March 2006 @ 11:10:48 PM AEST
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I thought this was morbidly wonderful!
Favorite lines:
"Jack and Jill popped a pill?!...and Jill came trembling after...?!!"
This was great. |
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Re: Giggling shiver never smile
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Monday, 3rd April 2006 @ 08:48:29 PM AEST
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~*Dwayne*~
A very well penned write indeed. I love the way you brought this across to ur reader.
porcelain memory let me fall
and crash through veins of glass
i wish i had some time to stall
cause i'm still running from my past...
Alot of us can relate to the above verses. Doesn't matter how far u run, ur past always catches up to ya. A superb write ~*DW*~
*warm hugs*
~*suzie Q*~ |
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Re: Giggling shiver never smile
(User Rating: 1 )
by weepingprophet on
Tuesday, 23rd May 2006 @ 05:16:48 PM AEST
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Every line in this piece proceeded the last with the same artistic ability that is fluent in your other works. I have just returned to the site it's been several months and I got on just see how you were doing. From this write I take it hell is still tangible, but I am moving on to update myself by reading those following this brilliant masterpiece. Dwayne you can use words like a swordsman. Pain is your gift and perseverance will battle you. You have envoked so many important lessons into my mind from a single piece of literature.
"Giggling shiver never smile
numbness knows me well
bathing in her morphine bile
and this is still not hell??"
The torment in this stanza shot into my veins as cold as morphine. You let the first line bring a rigid and edgy affect to the piece while gollowing it will description that leaves nothing to the imagination and a pummeling closing line that runs the lines together like liquid magic.
"Porcelain memory let me fall
abd crash through veins of glass
I wish I had some time to stall
Cause I'm still running from my past.."
Powerful and hynotic ending stanza. This last stanza conveyed such a difference in perspective. The first two lines were striking, porcelain memories (impecable, I can see how beauty will transform) Crash through veins of glass (violently shattering the memories with the reality of the present circumstances)
Then the last two line sum up your well deserved recognition, that you reluctantly avoid your past to a painful extent that forces you to relive it.
This was riveting, purely riveting.
~How many times will I trip you
Before you insist on the fall?
How can I measure the world true
If I have no love at all?~weepingprophet
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Re: Giggling shiver never smile
(User Rating: 1 )
by Grace_and_Glory on
Saturday, 29th May 2010 @ 01:42:51 PM AEST
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I'm not sure how I found this poem, its 4 years later, but I'm glad I came across it, very touching. My favorite stanza was "Giggling shiver never smile
numbness knows me well bathing in her morphine bile and this is still not hell???"
Danielle |
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