|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
I Dare You ((#3))
Contributed by
Drapes
on
Friday, 24th March 2006 @ 10:20:53 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
I dare you to look at me
I dare you to talk to me
I dare you to hear me
I dare you to listen to me
I dare you to answer me
I dare you to mention me
I dare you to watch me
I dare you to be interested
I dare you to understand me
I dare you to give me credit
I dare you to think of me
I dare you to include me
I dare you to want me
I dare you to give me a chance.
Is that so hard?
Copyright ©
Drapes
... [
2006-03-24 22:20:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: I Dare You ((#3))
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 24th March 2006 @ 10:34:08 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| ive read another one of these things of yours. i do have to ask, but i dont want the answer, why write in this way? what makes writing like this better than any other way for you as a writer? i do not see any point in writing like this as a reader. 5 words were repeated 12 and more times in this piece and that seems a bit excessive. i dont know how many words are in the english language, but i do know that there are thousands and thousands and we even use words from other languages to make it more hundreds. this is simplistic and not very original. the ending seemed very original since it was the only thing not repeated in this. i think expanding this to be more intricate and detailed would be better. not have so much anaphora. stand out. by writing this way you put yourself in the category of those who use anaphora, and those who basically use it alone. that category is full of writes like this and it takes a lot to stand out in that category. looking at this i see a lot of potential in what you could put and what wasnt there. what could be there could make this an amazing write. ive been here playing around with ideas about what i would write if i was given this piece to work with. for instance on the first line i thought something along the lines of "I dare you to look at me without manipulating me into your own vision" second: I dare you to talk to me. To talk to me in more than a meaningless whisper. third. "A dare to hear me above yourself." you may hate those lines, sure i cant blame you if you do. i think youre a better writer than this portrays. this write now shows none of your talents and no creativity, i think any write deserves better than that from his writer. |
|
|
Re: I Dare You ((#3))
(User Rating: 1 )
by Drapes on
Friday, 24th March 2006 @ 10:38:23 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hmm...very true. This definately isn't one of my best pieces. And I agree with everything you said. Thank you for your opinion. I appreciate the time you spent on giving me tips. I do like your idea and may work more on it. Thank you.
-Drapes |
|
|
Re: I Dare You ((#3))
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Monday, 3rd April 2006 @ 02:23:51 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I personally I like this but I see where Essentially9 is coming from though. A good poem though.
Take care.
Scott |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
