|
Menu
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
You(Jackson)
Contributed by
LiFe_Of_A_sUiCiDaL
on
Friday, 24th March 2006 @ 12:48:44 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
I want him back oh so bad
I made a stupid choice, now Im mad
He made me feel like I was good
I know I love him, I know I should
Why wont he listen, why cant he see
He completes the rest of me
I love him oh so much
Every time I get a shock from his touch
One person ruined the I love you
Just remeber this; my love is true
Copyright ©
LiFe_Of_A_sUiCiDaL
... [
2006-03-24 12:48:44] (Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment. That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: You(Jackson)
(User Rating: 1 ) by Vermilion on
Friday, 24th March 2006 @ 01:33:21 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A little amatuer, but the meaning is there. Try not to use 'oh so much' unless it really fits - It sounds juvinile. Remember grammar on won't and can't. Try to expand on feelings a little more. Remember to put more depth in your words, give them a little more meaning.
Nice try!
Mili. x x |
|
|
|