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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	25-November 09:14:49 AEST

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You(Jackson)

Contributed by LiFe_Of_A_sUiCiDaL on Friday, 24th March 2006 @ 12:48:44 PM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

I want him back oh so bad
I made a stupid choice, now Im mad
He made me feel like I was good
I know I love him, I know I should
Why wont he listen, why cant he see
He completes the rest of me
I love him oh so much
Every time I get a shock from his touch
One person ruined the I love you
Just remeber this; my love is true

Copyright © LiFe_Of_A_sUiCiDaL ... [ 2006-03-24 12:48:44]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: You(Jackson) (User Rating: 1 )
by Vermilion on Friday, 24th March 2006 @ 01:33:21 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

A little amatuer, but the meaning is there. Try not to use 'oh so much' unless it really fits - It sounds juvinile. Remember grammar on won't and can't. Try to expand on feelings a little more. Remember to put more depth in your words, give them a little more meaning.

Nice try!

Mili. x x

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