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Too Fast, Too Young
Contributed by
MSU_freak
on
Wednesday, 22nd March 2006 @ 04:06:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Growing up
side by side
we fought, we laughed
we hurt, we tried
we said forever
ever too soon
and saw the end
before we knew
we promised together
to what we'll never
have a chance to know
we probably should have took it slow
Copyright ©
MSU_freak
... [
2006-03-22 16:06:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Too Fast, Too Young
(User Rating: 1 )
by moses on
Wednesday, 22nd March 2006 @ 05:27:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
You deffinitly do not suck...I actually really liked this poem.
we said forever
ever too soon
Loved that part.
Well done and keep it up,
-moses |
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Re: Too Fast, Too Young
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Wednesday, 22nd March 2006 @ 05:51:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Hmmm, well this really isn't a haiku. A haiku has a total of 17 syllables, and is normally set up in a 5-7-5 line formation.
Otherwise, this is pretty good, some capitals and punctuation, and you would have a pretty good start, here.
I like the first 4 lines, thought I think it would sound better 'We hurt, we cried' but that is just me.
Not bad.
*hugs*
Phil xxx |
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Re: Too Fast, Too Young
(User Rating: 1 )
by MSU_freak on
Wednesday, 22nd March 2006 @ 06:12:05 PM AEST
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| I messed up I never meant it to be Haiku it supposed to be Sad poetry, but you know, it happens!! thanks for the tips, i appreciate it!!
(I changed the topic to Sad Poetry for you. - Moderator_16) |
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Re: Too Fast, Too Young
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Wednesday, 22nd March 2006 @ 06:27:01 PM AEST
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I am thrilled you are not Plath and just you. I like this. Philly is right, your structure is good but grammar needs a bit of work. Enjoyed this very much.
Rita |
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Re: Too Fast, Too Young
(User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on
Friday, 24th March 2006 @ 12:02:34 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This was excellent.. I loved this.. I know that feeling and it ended up pretty badly too..
take care
christina
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