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Orange Peel
Contributed by
silverscent
on
Tuesday, 14th March 2006 @ 05:32:48 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Stunted fingernails scrape back
the first slither of orange skin,
bounding a torrent of zest to spurt
into the royal keyhole of my soul,
stinging, watering - heartbreaking.
Reluctant, I remove the fruit’s shell
longing for a worthy distant aim
to splash upon an unwary significant,
instead, my citrus emotion’s reflected,
discarded, rejected - abandoned.
Eyes smarting – juice offends a single soul.
Pith concealed – surplus heart needs healing.
Copyright ©
silverscent
... [
2006-03-14 05:32:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Orange Peel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 14th March 2006 @ 08:55:08 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Good use of language. I think maybe the metaphor is a little too obtrusive, perhaps because the first lines don't give much of a clue that it is a metaphor. But... that's just a hunch, and mayhap I'm seeing reservations that aren't there, so to speak.
Keep it up.
Andrew |
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Re: Orange Peel
(User Rating: 1 )
by MyNameIsJonas on
Tuesday, 14th March 2006 @ 09:06:55 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Nice description |
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