|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Janie's Eyes
Contributed by
flamingblade
on
Wednesday, 1st March 2006 @ 12:01:01 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
They found Janie's body
The next day
The girls all screamed
When they came into the gym
Just to see the girl's body
Dangling from the ceiling
The thing that made them silent
The very next moment
were Janie's eyes
They were half-closed
And her face was stained
From the tears she cried.
Copyright ©
flamingblade
... [
2006-03-01 12:01:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Janie's Eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by kraydel on
Wednesday, 1st March 2006 @ 12:33:58 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| This is an interesting piece, to be sure. I' ll have to check out the previous two, apparently. But I like it, and well done. |
|
|
Re: Janie's Eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by twick on
Wednesday, 1st March 2006 @ 01:06:21 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I haven't read the other two yet but this one seems okay. It does sounds a bit ordinary, but it does have a really strong message. And it is put together a lot better than some of the other poems that are similar to this subject that I've seen on this site. I think there is potential.
Lines I like best: "When they come into the gym just to see the girl's body"
For me that line is the most powerful of the whole poem.
Good job. |
|
|
Re: Janie's Eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 1st March 2006 @ 01:50:23 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A haunting write in more ways than one. This hit with a punch.
Michelle |
|
|
Re: Janie's Eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by boobiepeach on
Friday, 3rd March 2006 @ 12:09:00 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
alll of these are great really
peach |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
