|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Adoration Addiction
Contributed by
DieRomantic
on
Tuesday, 28th February 2006 @ 09:29:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
It is me you never cease to amaze
I know youre more then just a phase
You are the epitome of perfection
And this, my love, is my confession
What is that warmth in the smile on your face?
What is that emotion I feel in our embrace?
What is that rapid change in my heartbeats pace?
What is that feeling in my heart that no one could erase?
Youve changed me in the most beautiful way
The one I love I could not betray
In my heart you will always stay
I dont want you to ever go away
Now please if you would grab my hand
Lets run together across the sand
Our hearts together will slowly bind
Our lives and love will intertwine
So now my heart has no reason to bleed
Because you are the only thing I need
No longer will my mornings be followed by dread
Now that all I have is you in my head
My love, my heart, my amazing addiction
I know our love is anything but fiction
The only thing I want is for you to be with me
Im more then positive were truly meant to be
Copyright ©
DieRomantic
... [
2006-02-28 21:29:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Adoration Addiction
(User Rating: 1 )
by eggflipper on
Tuesday, 28th February 2006 @ 09:38:15 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Nice rhyming lends itself well to fluidity. Nicely achieved for nothing is taken away from the content. |
|
|
Re: Adoration Addiction
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 1st March 2006 @ 11:29:00 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This is the first of your work I have read. I am going to lend a bit of constructive criticism, so before let me tell you what I admire about this work.
First of all you seem to posses a great depth of talent. Second of all your passion shows deep here. An overall good write here.
I did, however find it a bit on the cheezy side with the rhyme pattern. It loses a little bit of it's flare with the obvious rhymes. bleed - need / dread - head / me - be etc.... And the second stanza with each line rhyming is just a little too much for a reader. What I am trying to say in a not so simplistic way, is that the rhyming pattern seems a little forced. I would work on that with the next peice.
When I read this I do not feel as though it flowed from your mind out onto the type. I feel as if you actually pasued in between each line and wondered where to go next.
Lines do not complete themselves into stanzas and couplets by rhymes as much as they do by feel. You can make dog rhyme with trash can if you write it correctly.
I do see a tremendous talent here. I think if you let your words flow and think a little less you will find that you have a hidden genius for the gift of writing. So please do not be discouraged by my comments. I see a great talent which can only get better.
On this site I have another bit of advice. I would not suggest you using one of your lines as a comment. It gives away part of the poem before the reader has a chance to get into the poem. It may even, sometimes turn a reader away if they do not feel the line that you expressed in the comments. Just a bit of advice.
I am by no means the world's greatest poet, I am not even the greatest on YPDC. I do however only criticize those who I think need it to advance their skills. I see talent here, and I see with work you being an enormous talent.
Keep Writing!
- SCM |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
