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Hedonism
Contributed by
Caviglia
on
Thursday, 23rd February 2006 @ 08:55:21 AM in AEST
Topic:
fictional
|
Nausea lurching on an untrembling cliff.
Branches reaching out to the sea of abyss.
These sombre thoughts metamorphose,
A state.
Of metastasis.
A clasp of narcosis now relinquished
Positivity in nascent.
Fetters need not be removed by a form of ectomy
As this pain is now exiguous.
Our lives become ambiguous
Not merely a medium for atavistic desires
Or hedonistic devices
But also a vessel to carry the cargo of despair
Atop these crumpled waves
During carnal days.
Copyright ©
Caviglia
... [
2006-02-23 08:55:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Hedonism
(User Rating: 1 )
by oldschool on
Thursday, 23rd February 2006 @ 09:42:03 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I think the message here is strong but the wording is far to complex. For example: "Fetters need not be removed by a form of ectomy as this pain is now exiguous". Way to extraneous. On the other hand " But also a vessel to carry the cargo of despair atop these crumpled waves" is wonderfully worded yet simple and straight forward. The best poets use simple words but weave them in a brilliant way. good job. |
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Re: Hedonism
(User Rating: 1 )
by boobiepeach on
Thursday, 23rd February 2006 @ 12:42:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Pain is neccessary. Evil is neccessary. Suffering is neccessary
all so true
great visual with the waves!
wonderful write
peach |
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Re: Hedonism
(User Rating: 1 )
by felicitous on
Sunday, 12th March 2006 @ 07:18:51 AM AEST
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| i agree with you up there. impressive vocabulary but the eloquent wording overrides the meaning, and nothing should detract from the truth in your write. |
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