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Blue Dawn
Contributed by
Infamous
on
Thursday, 23rd February 2006 @ 06:29:31 AM in AEST
Topic:
NaturePoetry
|
Cold breeze from the Blue Dawn
Passes through my lawn
Shadows of the passed night
Wards of the shining light
What a very beatiful sight
Of this morning like-night
Alas! the Sun broke the dawn
Warm air starts to pass my lawn
People starts to shout
Throwing my mind out
When will my dawn be back
Oh dawn come back!
So I wait for the sun to set
My feet so cold and wet
It means that night has come
After it, A dawn so calm
Until then the midnight end
Blue Dawn my friend!
Copyright ©
Infamous
... [
2006-02-23 06:29:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Blue Dawn
(User Rating: 1 )
by oldschool on
Thursday, 23rd February 2006 @ 09:53:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| the first stanza is absolutely great. wonderful images. I think you should re-think the second and third stanzas where you seem to lose creative steam. This happens to me often...great opening that winds up fizzling out. Don't be discouraged, you're on to someting special here to keep at it...this piece is a fine work in progress. be well OS |
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Re: Blue Dawn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 23rd February 2006 @ 05:32:10 PM AEST
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I agree with oldschool, who said it before I did. But this work does have a certain gleam to it. Keep writing!
Andrew |
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