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My New Orleans
Contributed by
night_goddess666
on
Saturday, 11th February 2006 @ 11:20:26 PM in AEST
Topic:
poets
|
I recall my life as it was
I recall the murky swamps
I recall the plantation house
I recall the slaves quarters
I recall the smell of jasmine
I recall the rod iron balconies
I recall the city's night life
I recall the muggy summer days
I recall my family
I recall my mother
I recall my sister
I recall my brother, the priest
I recall his final fall
I recall my choices
I recall my guilt
I recall my time, my New Orleans.
Copyright ©
night_goddess666
... [
2006-02-11 23:20:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My New Orleans
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 12th February 2006 @ 12:59:41 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| anaphora like this is completely useless, and only two punctuation marks in the last line. i dont like anything in this poem at all, but that doesnt mean it isnt good for a class or for someone else. i just find this is a list of incoherent nouns with no real link except you recall them and it was a part of that life. this lacks substance, and only those who like simplicity will appreciate this. this poem offers none of your style, personality, or voice. your ending was the best. i think with some elaborations the reader will appreciate this more, because they will know your soul more. they know nothing about you from this piece except what you remember. in your poem what made them important enough to remember? guilt over what? the people you recall, what were they like? as of now i read the piece, and read "i recall my sister"....well i wonder well why should anyone but you care? nothing seems to transcend to the reader, and there is too much left in your mind and not in the lines or even inbetween them to give the reader anything except a look into what you recall, a list of things. |
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Re: My New Orleans
(User Rating: 1 )
by night_goddess666 on
Sunday, 12th February 2006 @ 09:12:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| TO ANYONE WHO READS THIS POEM: This is a repeated poem. I was to pick a word or phrase and repeat it. I know there's not many punctuation marks in this poem and I didn't realize that when I submitted it. In my orginal copy I had punctuation marks but I guess I just forgot to put them in. |
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