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Journey
Contributed by
fionndruinne
on
Saturday, 11th February 2006 @ 07:06:01 PM in AEST
Topic:
InspirationalPoems
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A last unlovely
Word from them,
A quick departure
Leaving you alone among others
On a west-bound train.
Who knew
It would be such action
Reaction,
Such ambivalent discourse
On a subject like truth
Sending you forth
From nature and the known.
And the sway of a coach
Feels like a sea
A sea of regret, maybe,
Or animosity
Or just emptiness
As the town lights are left behind
And the windows are shuttered
By pure night.
You keep all thought of tears
For the wee hours,
When everyone finally drops off
Save an old man or two
Regarding nothing
With gray eyes.
But tears are foreign, now.
Your eyes are just tired,
Stinging, and blinking
You keep back
On the far side of the seat
Ashamed of the picture.
Dawn is a surprise
In one far window
On the other side of the car.
Your gaze fixates,
You fight hope.
But unfamiliar scenery unfolding
To the yellow light
Reminds you of your exile,
And bitterness remains on your tongue
Even though, on the tip
Of it, there’s a half-remembered song
From childhood.
How did it get there?
This is a journey, after all.
No one can say
What you might not see
Or become,
If the winds of fate
Are kind, somehow.
This is a journey, after all.
© MMVI ADL
Copyright ©
fionndruinne
... [
2006-02-11 19:06:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Strawberry on
Saturday, 11th February 2006 @ 07:37:13 PM AEST
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| this is very lovely. keep of the great work. it makes me feel like everything else is different than it is. i can't explain it, but it does. Sammi Jo |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 11th February 2006 @ 07:41:02 PM AEST
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i dont know where to start. this piece was...so many things, i cannot even settle for one word. So many effective techniques have been used here.
It feels as though the journey had been instigated by an external factor..."A last unlovely Word from them, A quick departure"
Despite this, the journey was experienced alone. This poem can be literal or figurative. From a simple everyday commodity of travel to a metaphoric symbol of "Journey".
The uncertainty of the future, the moments of isolation, when time draws like a blade...when you are alone with vile thoughts.
These things i can relate to.
The tone throughout this piece, has remained stable...crestfallen and deep.
I particularly adored the 3rd stanza from the bottom. It reminds me of a dream already dreamed twice. A fading memory.
This piece is a journey within itself...thank you for sharing
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by OzChick on
Saturday, 11th February 2006 @ 08:42:08 PM AEST
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Well I read this because I went on a train trip last year across Australia, but this was not what I expected. I don't know what I expected, but anyway.....I like this poem. Life is a journey and your last stanza says it perfectly. Great write.
~Jenny~ |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 11th February 2006 @ 09:47:54 PM AEST
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Hello Andrew:
Ah yes I said, as I eagerly opened up to read this poem:
Isn't amazing what inspires a writer. You know, I have always loved your poetry. You take me on this journey each time. I told you before what I felt when I read your writes. Yes, this poem pours out the emotions. You once again took me down those rails. I still feel the real nature in your writing pieces. I feel honored to be able to read what you write, honored that I am able to speak with such a wonderful author. I will never forget you Andrew, and especially never your poetry. This poem can give a reader several feelings, its all there.. thank you.. for this creation.
Raquel Leah
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Saturday, 11th February 2006 @ 10:13:03 PM AEST
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| Andrew, This was so beautiful. I love a piece of writing that puts me there.....I was there on the ride, the journey.....Thank you for sharing such a wonderful, thought provoking write. Peace to you, Laura |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 16th February 2006 @ 09:29:29 AM AEST
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A forced exile?Emptiness and animosity the thoughts of the journey.Perhaps regret,ashamed of the reflection in the glass.
No hope with the dawn and unexpected childhood memories fail to subdue the bitterness.Enjoyed taking this journey and sharing your thoughts.I was totally drawn in,left wondering, and that merely emphasizes the quality of the writing,
Den
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Sunday, 26th February 2006 @ 11:00:00 PM AEST
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Well Andrew, as you can imagine, I have read this quite a few times.
Having been on my own journey just recently, I can tell you that I saw people like this on the buses, and that this scene seems strangely familiar, yet I know I have never been there myself.
I love how this poem changes, how it seems so hopeless at the start, but how toward the end things seem slightly better and how the message unfolds. I also love how each stanza sort of links together (Dare I say, like the cars of the train (yeah, that's bad, I know ))
Making way for the next.
Stanza's four and five were my favourite.
Great write,
*hugs tons*
Phil xxx |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 27th February 2006 @ 11:11:22 PM AEST
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Sir Andrew, I am especially impressed that this is not in fact based on anything other than a train ride.
I would have believed anything you told me after reading this!
You obviously have the uncany ability to put yourself into unreal situations and leave the reader with a complete sense of being there. |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jyssvw on
Wednesday, 8th March 2006 @ 09:32:16 PM AEST
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Yes life is one long train ride, a journey for sure
Nice write here
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 20th March 2006 @ 10:52:04 PM AEST
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| I can't really say anything new about this that hasn't already been said in previous comments. Just the mood it conveys makes it brilliant. Something about your poetry reminds me of the style of Ted hughes,-by that, I mean it is exceptionally good at putting the reader in the position of the writer. Looking forward to more. |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Tuesday, 28th March 2006 @ 08:29:14 PM AEST
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Holy crap man! Well I'll be honest and say
that up to the part about the sea I thought the
poem was a bit weak, but after that I was left
wide-eyed with amazement. The imagery
was absolutely stunning for starters and the
part about the windows being, "shuttered/By
pure night" was just brilliant. The part about
the old man, "Regarding nothing with grey
eyes." was another part that stood out. All in
all this was a great poem and I wish I could
be blessed with just a fraction of your talent.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 29th March 2006 @ 03:03:09 AM AEST
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It's amazing how we get our inspiration at times, and I found this piece truely inspiring.
Over the past year or so i have read a lot of your work, and I have come to the conclusion you have a great talent.
J. |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 2nd April 2006 @ 05:45:35 AM AEST
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Dear freind,
We should not be surprised, brother, if the world hates us. They hated Him, how can they accept us? And remember, blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness. As it is written: "...the world was not worthy of them." Our treasure is not of this world. Take heart, friend, and do not shrink back from the hand raised to strike you. Greater is He who is in you. His love is greater and greater. His discipline is for our benifit, as a loving father trains his son. We should not dispise it, but consider it joy... As it is written: "...I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not yet consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining to what is ahead, I press on toward the goal for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Press into Him. Press into His rest. In all you do, remain in Him, at rest... keep building your house on the rock. Trust like a child. I face struggles myself, but I know His commands are just! So I fight the good fight along side you, brother. The prize is beyond worth the cost. This is only a little while. Keep in the Word, it is life. It never fails.
Grace and peace be with you.
Joshua |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Monday, 3rd April 2006 @ 02:42:07 PM AEST
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| I have read several poems with this title lately. Your poem draws something deep from the soul that reminds me of one of my own poems. The last stanza of "Lands of my soul" speaks a bout a field of wheat, a pathless journey that must be accomplished- the meaning of which is very similar to your poem. While my poem speaks of this symbolically your poem is more straight forward. I only have one question. This train your charecter is on- where does it go? |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Tuesday, 4th April 2006 @ 12:17:16 PM AEST
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This is beautiful, I like the last stanza a lot, it's awesome and inspirational.
Take care.
Scott |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 25th April 2006 @ 10:58:49 PM AEST
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An enormous write! I feel a driving rhythm here, probably respresenting the train. I loved your descriptive choices. Also I am floored by the many meanings (based on the content of this poem) on your title journey. Journey is not simply just the ride, here in this poem it is so much more. It is the story. It is the feeling. It is the disagreement between the subject and the writer. It is much more than the ride alone.
WELL DONE!
SCM |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Saturday, 17th March 2007 @ 05:48:56 AM AEST
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| Relective symbolicly of the long train ride and the thoughts and the miles of travel and tears held back as distane grows between you and those you love....another good piece. |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by eatfresh22 on
Sunday, 1st April 2007 @ 05:12:17 AM AEST
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Yes, yes, surprised that this comment is from me. It's only been two years, so let your dropped jaw close, by golly!!
Anyways, this was wonderful. I feel like your writing has changed since I last ...familiarized myself with it. Maybe this piece is different for you...maybe things change over 2 years...
I liked it all the same. There's a beauty in the simplicity of it, and such thought in the deeper meaning of it all. I love the parallel of a physical/emotion journey here. It made it so real. I just really loved this piece. Good job.
And no, don't expect many comments from me...I'm not really back. More like a visit until a later return.
~Ceima~ |
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Re: Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Tuesday, 9th September 2008 @ 08:13:09 AM AEST
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a nice ride you take the reader on here...
well done,
wiz |
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