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untitled
Contributed by
paigejacquelyn9
on
Thursday, 9th February 2006 @ 03:24:13 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Shut my eyes
I don't want to see
or be a witness to my misery.
Covery my ears
so I do not hear
my nightmares become real.
Numb my heart
I don't want to feel
the ache that has come
Copyright ©
paigejacquelyn9
... [
2006-02-09 15:24:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by justinjohnoliver on
Thursday, 9th February 2006 @ 05:55:55 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Don't take this the wrong way but it probably could be extended a little more, but I love it so far.
P.S. Please read and comment on my poem The Ocean's Fury Thank You. |
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Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 9th February 2006 @ 10:24:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this has no originality in it. as for extending it, i agree. this gives no connection from the reader to you at all. the reader doesnt know what your nightmares are, what causes your misery, why the ache has come. your poem lacks depth for the reader to duelve into because there is entirely too much left for speculation. i think you can expand with some imagery and diction and actually make this a heart throb poem of some sort. such as "cover my ears with cement so that I do not hear my nightmares become real-the ones that do not go in one ear and out the other" sure you might think thats the worse line possible, but i think your poem and your title are not original enough to actually be called your own, because afterall 5000 other people (not only on this site) have written something 95 percent like this. |
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