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Mutilated Soul
Contributed by
poetryfreak13
on
Saturday, 28th January 2006 @ 09:28:49 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Mutilated Soul
I suffer from the hate of love
I can’t stand love
I can’t stand to love another
I can’t stand to see her love him
Tears blur my vision
I can’t take it anymore
He has mutilated my
Soul.
Copyright ©
poetryfreak13
... [
2006-01-28 21:28:49] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Mutilated Soul
(User Rating: 1 ) by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 28th January 2006 @ 09:57:58 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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you have a good concept here. i like the shortness of it. but to use the word love so many times in the beginning just seemed to lessen the power in this. overplaying one part of the poem can ruin it entirely. your first line is excellent. your tears line is also well done. your last two lines are great. as for the "i cant stand" parts they make this poem seem too childish/teenagerish. the tone just seems to be of a teenager screaming "I CANT STAND ....." the fact that your poem shows you are capable of using (what i think) are better lines and a better use of words goes diminished in this with such screams. i think using the talent you put into those other lines will make this a better poem overall, one that can speak volumes to all ages. |
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