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The Feeling

Contributed by reecy on Saturday, 28th January 2006 @ 11:14:49 AM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

You watched it crawl inside you,
You felt it twist and writhe
You could not hide
The filthy feeling that was filling your inside

The monstrosity of guilt
That started from your brain
Was feeding off your organs
And love was turned to pain

So ruthlessly morbid
No space for it within
Its vileness breathtaking
This putrid ghastly thing

So bizarre to feel this way
The fear expands every day
That I might have to stay this way
I sit and wish my life away

Stopping a minute it was clear to me
My mind had parted, as did the sea
With angels standing next to me
Only then I could diagnose a cure

The emotion I hadn’t felt before
This festering disease
Came deep from down inside me
Spreading like branches of a tree

A blackness that was spilling like ink from a pen

Re-birth your seeds and sow your land
Fulfill your dreams and stand your ground
Stamp this feeling back in the ground
And pretend you never heard a sound

Copyright Â© reecy ... [ 2006-01-28 11:14:49]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Feeling (User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on Saturday, 28th January 2006 @ 12:25:43 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hey, reecy.

I approached this poem from two angles. The first was with attention on the poetic style of it - the form - and it started to flow after the first stanza and hit some bumps when line syllables got a bit jumped in the middle.

The single line there about the blackness spilling was a nice summary touch and fit well. (I have a thing for single lines in effective spots)

Then I approached with a focus on the content and cast form aside. From this perspective, the poem is pretty good. The imagery is present at certain areas - the blackness, the seeds and land, etc. and the message comes across, even if the reader is left unaware of what *precisely* the emotion is.

Your content is great. If you set this poem aside for a month or so and took a look at form after that month, revising it to fit a rhyming scheme, that would strengthen this poem and make it even better.

Good job and thanks for posting. :)

TSX

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