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Exposed
Contributed by
Nazmythian
on
Monday, 23rd January 2006 @ 12:05:33 AM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
Should I lay myself wide open
Where I sever every chord
Exposing every melody
Within my mind that’s stored
Would it make a bit of difference
Would it change your point of view
Or just leave me bare and empty
Further scrutinized by you
Would you peel back the layers
Slow and gentle, with some skill
Or dive in with abandon
Eager to complete the kill
Is it wrong to want to hold some back
These secret inner parts of me
For I reserve the right to serve
Only those I wish to see
So cut me with your scalpel
With your eyes and with your words
For those that I decide should hear
They will, now rest assured
Copyright ©
Nazmythian
... [
2006-01-23 00:05:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Exposed
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Monday, 23rd January 2006 @ 12:22:42 AM AEST
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| Great write. Great rhythm. It was a pleasure to read. Peace to you, Laura |
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Re: Exposed
(User Rating: 1 )
by dc on
Monday, 23rd January 2006 @ 12:29:13 AM AEST
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As i read your poetry
tis a reminder to myself
till you offer all that's honest
you just glance somebody else
The words and rhymes you write are clever
But it's just practice as you hide
The things we see and hoped we' never
But here's where to expose what lives inside
Keep writing - you're among friends!
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Re: Exposed
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Monday, 23rd January 2006 @ 07:23:01 AM AEST
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N,
Great subject matter - intense, raw, with just a hint of pout. So true that some partners can't stand any trace of mystery or secrecy in their partners - me, I crave it! Ufortunately, their eagerness to know everything is about ownership, not intimacy, and its destructive for the gutted partner. hang on to the mystery; guard your secrets like treasures.
I like the urgent meter established in the first two stanzas, but the last line in stanza three just stretches it too far for me and interrupts the cyclic quality. The last two stanzas have a couple hiccups too (from my reads), but its a great piece and I'm glad I caught it before signing off.
Spike |
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Re: Exposed
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 24th January 2006 @ 01:00:25 PM AEST
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Wow! Loud and clear Nazzy!
This is so well expressed, so...insightful!
Well worded sir!! |
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Re: Exposed
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Wednesday, 22nd February 2006 @ 12:44:32 PM AEST
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Hi Naz,
This poem deals with, I think, the crucial issue of trust and how that connects wit h transparency. There is a lot of wisdom in this poem; and we have a right to protect ourselves. We do need to guard against being overly defended in our more intimate relationships......
Very well done, sir
Will/Terry |
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