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My Poems
Contributed by
reeses
on
Thursday, 12th January 2006 @ 09:50:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
My PoEmS aRe My LiFe
mY pOeMs ArE mY dEaTh
My PoEmS hElP mE cOpE
mY pOeMs HeLp Me FeEl My BeSt
My pOeMs ArE mY wOrDs--
tHaT bLeEd FrOm My SoUl
My PoEmS aRe My ThOuGhTs--
tO hElP mE rEaCh My GoAl
My pOeMs ArE mY lIfE--
mY pOeMs HeLp Me BrEaThe
My PoEmS aRe My eYeS
mY pOeMs HeLp Me SeE
mY pOeMs ArE mY eArS
My PoEmS hElP mE hEaR
mY pOeMs ArE mY dReAmS
My PoEmS hIdE mY fEaRs
mY pOeMs ArE mY lIfE
My PoEmS aRe My DeAtH
mY pOeMs HelP mE cOpE
My PoEmS hElP mE fEeL mY bEsT
Copyright ©
reeses
... [
2006-01-12 21:50:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Poems
(User Rating: 1 )
by SilentPwn on
Thursday, 12th January 2006 @ 09:57:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| It's somewhat smothering, with all the "my poems," but overall it has good. |
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Re: My Poems
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 13th January 2006 @ 09:56:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Poems help us see who we really are. Great write...mike |
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Re: My Poems
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Saturday, 14th January 2006 @ 07:54:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
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hey reeses,
I enjoy poetry that is a tribute to its own form and feeling. You really captured the emotional essence of your message here, and I like how you made the font uniquely yours - it really suited your poem.
Just a quick comment on poetic construction. The last lines in stanza 1, 2, and 5 are a couple syllables overlong ie 7, 6 words and 7 words respectively, while the other last lines are 5 words long. Shortening them will make them consistent with the meter of the other lines, without changing your message eg
'My poems help me cope
To feel at my best'
'My poems are my thoughts
To help reach my goal'
My suggestion is given in good spirit to enhance a small technical aspect of a good poem. Others have made similar suggestions to some of my posts and they were always an improvement! use if you wish.
Spike
ps: I'm giving this one 5/5 bc it deserves more that the 1/5 someone esle gave it.
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