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Starting Over With Something New
Contributed by
MysticFireFairy
on
Monday, 9th January 2006 @ 09:12:34 PM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
"We were always such good friends,"
is once what I'd tell myself, but I don't know why
because with every lie, I only broke a little more.
I said we'd be friends again, because we were before,
but we weren't, were we? We were never really friends at all.
The first time you broke my heart, I said the pain would go away
and in truth, I was right, but that was in the long months to come;
it's been eight months since then, and here I am;
I'm still thinking of you, always thinking of you, and I still care.
We'd lie to each other, to ourselves, and say we'd meet 'there'...
'there,' where love was all that mattered and we could make it through
but you gave up on me, and I gave up on you;
it just took me a lot longer to realize that's all I needed to do.
Yes, we were friends while we dated, but we had different motives;
saying you've fallen in love, well, that's reason enough to be friends
and it's reason enough to let it break your heart, again and again,
or, at least, that's what I had always thought. But, how much did we love
and how much did we care; how much did we try and how much were we there
for one another? We always said we had an amazing time together
and I know I had fun but those days seem to be long done
and you don't even look at me any more.
The other night, we actually talked as if we were both humans.
I mean, no fighting, and no arguing; just civil conversation
as if we were friends like I once claimed the two of us to be.
I remembered, just then, why I had fallen in love with you
and who you were, so long ago, when I would've done anything to hear your voice.
You know, I'd still do most anything for you, or even just to say
that the two of us are friends, even for just a day
because I feel that we gave up a lot when we broke each other's hearts
and just let go; oh, thank you so much for just letting go of me.
I could never regret the pain we put each other through
or the long months afterwards where I was still in love with you;
can't forget the days and weeks, the months where I couldn't bare to see your face
or the nights where in my mind you became a disgrace who broke my soul
and left me for the dead; oh, for moments, I thought nothing of you but instead
that you were the cause of every pain I had, but you weren't, and I'm so bad
for even trying to pretend that you were. I had no reason to install the fears
of breaking down; of crying more, of blamming everything on you
when I for one know that it was never true, even while you go on believing it all the same.
Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't miss me because I want to hear another lie;
oh, I know you do, and no matter what you try, you can't say otherwise. Not this time.
I miss you too, I do, but I've learnt to live without your love, without the pain, without us
and I'm happy, although I miss you, I'm happy this time. But now, look at me and tell me
you'd never want me back, because that's no lie, and we both know it;
you'd never want me back and you've tried your best to show it
and I almost want to thank you for that as well.
Just think of me, and everything that used to be, and everything you hate;
oh, you don't enjoy your miserable fate, and I don't enjoy it either.
I wish so much you could be happy but it's not my job to bring happiness to you,
just to pray for it for you, just to wish for it for you, just to promise you
I'd give it to you, if I ever thought I could. For now, the only thing I can give
is the much delayed friendship we never really had; just a smile in the halls
just a few words of kindness and a message from the heart
telling you the truth of how I want for us to restart and form the friendship
most start off with that we truly just pretended to have;
we can't go back in time to grasp all we ever had, but we can, we can start over, with something new.
Copyright ©
MysticFireFairy
... [
2006-01-09 21:12:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Starting Over With Something New
(User Rating: 1 )
by SmileSkinDeep on
Monday, 9th January 2006 @ 09:29:26 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Wow....there's a lot of pain in that.
Left me speachless, how do you do it?
~April |
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Re: Starting Over With Something New
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 11th January 2006 @ 03:23:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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awww so sad but a most delicate write and as always beautiful 2 read all will be ok in time . . .
((((Kayla))))
Ben |
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