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Be It
Contributed by
RealCrystal
on
Friday, 6th January 2006 @ 11:56:47 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
I don't know if Im exaggerating,
but lately Ive been contemplating,
wondering why,
I,
can't hide these feelings inside,
and for
days Ive cried,
waiting for your rough hands to dry the tears from my eyes.
And it seems as though its been an eternity,
since Ive expressed the love that burns within me,
like the burning bush,
that gives life but yearns attention.
So funny how that which you can't redner unto me,
I desire so deeply.
As I sit here confused and out of my mind,
because through time weve destroyed our own lifelines.
Futures that shouldhave been but never were,
and in your brain you say it was her,
but it seems only she can satisfy me
because only I can provide for I,
and I never made myself cry,
I never denied who I was,
so who did
When it was me and you in a relationship?
Not that Im gay but Beyonce's me myself and I
made me see things in a different way,
a different light that shielded me from the night,
and protected me from heartbreaks
and tantrums that could make the earth shake,
and I wish our love was
strong enough to make the earth quake,
and shake humanity and society.
To make them see love the way we see it,
I only wish we were strong enough to be it.
Copyright ©
RealCrystal
... [
2006-01-06 23:56:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Be It
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jazzy on
Saturday, 7th January 2006 @ 08:33:45 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| Took me to read this about 4 times to actually get the flow and the true meaning out of it ... but i enjoyed reading it every time hunnie...keep writing...luv and respect ~Jazzy~ |
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Re: Be It
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 18th January 2006 @ 06:45:39 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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A good attempt. Your line breaks are usually good (excepting line four's "I", which I think should be reworked; it feels like it needs more to make up a line), and the language is well done. Some of the rhymes are a bit forced, but keep at it, and I'm sure you'll improve there.
So much for the stylistic critique. You did a good job expressing what you wanted to express. Write on.
Andrew |
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