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Suburban Lament
Contributed by
spike
on
Friday, 6th January 2006 @ 03:15:31 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
When you died it was like losing an arm and a leg
No, worse.
eyes
ears
lungs
a chamber of my heart
I miss you, old girl
I miss you so much
Today just made it more real
Putting you in the ground, crying those stubborn tears
Who’d have thought it
The strong one, they called me
And I played the part
Big noting myself
At work and the club
But at home, behind closed doors
We knew who was boss
Who managed our private world and said
‘That’s that then'
It should have been me before you
All the risks I took,
The stupid things I did
I’m not brave enough to be alone
Not capable
And that damn washing machine
What man of my time could figure it out?
So I sit at the kitchen table,
Where so many good meals and arguments and laughs
Made the windows resonate like crystal
With my beer losing its frost and my ciggies unsmoked
And my good suit wrinkled,
Like something the bloody cat dragged in
Now only half the man I was.
Copyright ©
spike
... [
2006-01-06 03:15:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by frankcube on
Friday, 6th January 2006 @ 03:47:19 AM AEST
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This is a very powerful and emotional poem that truly invites a deep sense of sorrow and pain. Very influential read.
Frankey
Please consider some of my poems too, if you have time. =] |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by Benny14 on
Friday, 6th January 2006 @ 03:59:47 AM AEST
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| i love that you have applied a universal feel to a very personal emotion, writing simply as if it were an average person, but conveying a feeling that denoted deeper intelligence and understanding.....awesome job duder |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 6th January 2006 @ 06:52:04 AM AEST
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Emotion very well expressed.
Good poem
Good luck, hope all goes well. |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by ButchHoward on
Friday, 6th January 2006 @ 08:49:25 AM AEST
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I can relate to this subject so well, having lost my own wife at a very young age. It has been 19 years now, but I still can't write about losing her. You did a marvelous job here. You are right, "if you're lucky, you get to feel like ths..."
Butch |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Friday, 6th January 2006 @ 06:50:58 PM AEST
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You never cease to amaze me Spike. One never tires of reading ur remarkable well penned work. Time after time you always produce an outstanding write to captivate ur reading from beginning to end. A sad touching poem written so well. Well done Spike.
*hugs*
~sue~ |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Friday, 6th January 2006 @ 07:41:00 PM AEST
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| Oh man, this was so good and so very sad. The pain is deeply felt. I wish you peace, Laura |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 7th January 2006 @ 02:17:48 AM AEST
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... spike .... I have not the words to impress upon you, just how this has moved me.
I read each line ... and felt my heart tearing just a little with each word. Wonderfully
emotive, my friend. And that last line ... gosh, got me all sortsa choked up. Your writing is
never dull, always exquisite and forever worth the read. But this one ... in particular ...
stands out in it's own spot light. It is a lament, for sure ... but has that magic. Magic that
makes ya just take a step back, and sigh. The kind of sigh you utter, when you witness a great
work of art for the very first time.
*sigh*
Truely beautiful.
*many hugs*
~B |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Saturday, 7th January 2006 @ 10:31:34 PM AEST
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Yes.....................Ones who can say they have had or, still have what you just penned so beautifully, IS a treasure.! I had granparents that had that exactly...............That is what I long for one day............I would hope many would.! You wrote with flow of words,yet saddening in many ways.! To lose............I am sorry, yet I am joyed you did get to spend happiness.
Love all the work you post.
Brew~ |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Tuesday, 10th January 2006 @ 06:25:37 AM AEST
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Not being able to add to what others have said, I'll just say awesome write......
Jenni |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shmokin on
Wednesday, 11th January 2006 @ 07:00:39 AM AEST
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| what a wonderful expression of loss, and so true, tis better to have loved and had loss to suffer than never to have loved at all :-) |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 12th January 2006 @ 04:32:46 AM AEST
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This is so obviously route one from the heart.A fine piece of writing Spike,touched me,
Den |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 20th March 2006 @ 03:13:12 AM AEST
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I've looked through a number of your poems now and this is up there with your best.
I read some of your other comments to this and somebody said this is route one straight from the heart.
It surely is.
J. |
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Re: Suburban Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 7th April 2006 @ 11:21:48 AM AEST
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I almost passed this poem by just from the title. I despise anything "urban" or "suburban". Now I sit sad. Sad, yes, that you may have lost something so wonderful, but sadder still that you may be in the late years of age. I was hopin' your were a young whipper-snapper wordsmith master. "Hope springs eternal."
I'm sure you've drained a lot of eyes with this one. |
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