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three years, seven days, a first kiss, the rape of virginity and...
Contributed by
weepingprophet
on
Wednesday, 4th January 2006 @ 04:25:29 AM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
my ears are stunned
the shrill sound
deafened moment
is that me screaming?
-distant-
i feel you
whole in my chest
and fading
changing
hands numb
feet tingling
wrist bruised
lips bleeding
how long have i been here
tied up in knots
how long have i been dreaming
drowning in thoughts?
i gasp for air
as though it's decreasing
violently breathing
inhale without ceasing
lull myself back
to sedative sleep
holding you near
not accepting to keep
this change of you
this difference
i had just settled
on repentance
i don't want forgiveness
i won't hear apologies
i ripped you from my chest
three nights ago
you've been dead in my veins
traveling away from the retreating heart
don't you see
can't you see
i have finally realized
how long i have been here
tied up in knots
how long i have been dreaming
drowning in thoughts
three years, seven days
a first kiss, the rape of virginity
and the possession of a broken heart
never again
Copyright ©
weepingprophet
... [
2006-01-04 04:25:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: three years, seven days, a first kiss, the rape of virginity and...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bohemian_with_a_pen on
Wednesday, 4th January 2006 @ 08:23:07 AM AEST
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a Message)
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wow, amazing.
[my ears are stunned
the shrill sound
deafened moment
is that me screaming?]
great opening lines, shocking the reader into the moment.
[i gasp for air
as though it's decreasing
violently breathing
inhale without ceasing]
made me feel claustrophobic.
[never again]
stunning finish.
incredible, as always. |
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Re: three years, seven days, a first kiss, the rape of virginity and...
(User Rating: 1 )
by dc on
Wednesday, 4th January 2006 @ 09:39:18 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Beautifuly done, you had me the whole way! |
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Re: three years, seven days, a first kiss, the rape of virginity and...
(User Rating: 1 )
by NoSaint on
Wednesday, 4th January 2006 @ 09:53:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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very well done
NS |
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Re: three years, seven days, a first kiss, the rape of virginity and...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 4th January 2006 @ 11:23:12 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Thought i was gonna dislike this... what a write to encourage me to think again about forming preconceptions! Great expressive write. |
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Re: three years, seven days, a first kiss, the rape of virginity and...
(User Rating: 1 )
by In_a_while on
Wednesday, 4th January 2006 @ 05:45:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Very, very well written piece. as always, your style is
distinct and in top form as well.
i don't want forgiveness
i won't hear apologies
i ripped you from my chest
three nights ago
you've been dead in my veins
traveling away from the retreating heart
graphic, real and impossible to ignore
keep up the excellentwriting! |
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Re: three years, seven days, a first kiss, the rape of virginity and...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Thursday, 5th January 2006 @ 03:44:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
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you did great.
hugs |
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Re: three years, seven days, a first kiss, the rape of virginity and...
(User Rating: 1 )
by XxKittyKat8239xX on
Sunday, 8th January 2006 @ 03:42:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Amazing write. It was extremely real and just outright incredible. "three years, seven days, a first kiss, the rape of virginity and the possession of a broken heart never again".. That was an incredible ending. Keep it up!
~*H*~ |
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