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Dark Bird's Rune
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Wednesday, 28th December 2005 @ 11:18:34 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
'Can ravens, benighted, reach radiant endings
Can black-feathered hunters find lily-white fields
Can pitchless dark figments with no one's defending
Capture the purity which Eden now yields'
Amidst aphotic skies, by scant clouds besprent
Despite chaotic eyes, he grows somnolent
Without purpose he glides, oblivion sent
While his will now elides, last bit of life spent
This ending is sacred, as Janus decrees
Descending in lifespan, aurora foresees
Destination; beyond, beleaguered he flies
Hesitation, despond, last trip through these skies
With such anguish to croon, his path has gone wrong
Sings the Dark Bird's Rune; malevolent swansong
Melody resonates in lazuline air
Hopelessness permeates, sweet tune of despair
Conundrum; a riddle, a soul-piercing dirge
Faint singing falls brittle, may dead wings emerge
Accursed affliction, emblem of nighttide
Exhausted transfixion; meth, emeth divide
Dusk curtains autumnal, sharp tempest arrives
Blurred vision grows umbral, symbolic nose-dive
A moment, a picture, trapped by setting sun
A silhouette fixture with beauty to stun
Past sapphire oceans, and filled with deplore
Fast fading are motions, soon movement no more
Spiral of abhorrence, the trail that fate paves
He plunges 'neath torrents of merciless waves
Yet these notes echo still, reverberation
Transpierce mountains and hills, knows no cessation
The song's mem'ry striking, through death and repose
As thorn-jagged lightning, sound flashes and glows
A raven's sonata, a pulchritude sad
Musical 'membrance of a life never had
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2005-12-28 23:18:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Thursday, 29th December 2005 @ 12:47:15 AM AEST
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You had me with "last trip through these skies", Dan. This is... so.... lush with imagery and symbolism. It's really rather majestic... the music, heavy... loud... triumphantly climatic, pounding inside me as I read through. It depicts, I'd say, not just a moment --- but the everything in and of that moment. And geesh... it resonates.
Excellent!
~Snemmy |
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Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 31st December 2005 @ 12:36:46 PM AEST
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Incredible rhythmn!
I faltered just a bit in the fourth stanza.
This write runs the gambit through so many levels, for me there was hope....then not. I can't even begin to scratch the surface of what else is in here....but I am sure going back to delve in it for a while!!!
Very Impressive!!! |
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Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 22nd January 2006 @ 07:51:23 PM AEST
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| Very very dense, and quite verbose, you are truly are master of your particular craft. I would like to see something a little more contemporary though, and something a little easier to swallow. Good writing, nonetheless. |
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Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eve on
Wednesday, 15th February 2006 @ 08:04:19 AM AEST
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"Conundrum; a riddle, a soul-piercing dirge
Faint singing falls brittle, may dead wings emerge"
Those were among my favourite lines. Truly, though, this is one of those pieces where I can never be sure how many great lines I miss each time, so I had to read it several and pretty much pick it apart. (This is a good thing.)
But at the heart of this poem is terrible despair, which I would say is crafted well but I also believe that most of it came from the emotion behind it. So I suppose the correct wording would be that the emotion is crafted well... still, you also used what I've come to know as your insane rhyme scheme... which I don't know how you pull off at all.
This is definitely a pulchritide sad, from the first line to the last.
Keep writing or be inflicted with aphasia,
-Eve. |
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Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on
Friday, 26th January 2007 @ 08:34:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I don't know what to say to this besides it was amazing.. I had found your picture or one that I thought was you in the forums and I wanted to see the poetry that you write and I am glad that I did... I think you have amazing talent.. This poem was sad and very beautiful...
Take Care
Christina |
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Re: Dark Bird's Rune
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Friday, 18th May 2007 @ 04:25:11 AM AEST
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Hey Dan how are you hopefully all goes well and the writes come thick and fast like the lyrics that flow through your mind.
This was masterful, a real test to your ever increasing ability and talent, the flow and tempo of the whole piece left and disturbing ringing in my ears while each word carressed some inner demon i thought disappeared into my sub-concious, lost but not forgotten it would seem.
Im particularly impressed with the verses ;
'With such anguish to croon, his path has gone wrong
Sings the Dark Bird's Rune; malevolent swansong
Melody resonates in lazuline air
Hopelessness permeates, sweet tune of despair
Conundrum; a riddle, a soul-piercing dirge
Faint singing falls brittle, may dead wings emerge
Accursed affliction, emblem of nighttide
Exhausted transfixion; meth, emeth divide'
Setting the feeling for the whole piece and giving it meaning in 8 simple lines
very impressed my friend as always but somewhat astounded and left gutted by crows with this piece, bravo.
'Hanging by his intestines waiting for a death begot'
Luke |
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