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But I Don't Love You
Contributed by
jessejames
on
Wednesday, 28th December 2005 @ 08:23:53 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
i love the sunshine on my face
i love angels fallen from grace
i love toast with lots of butter
i love rain pouring from the gutter
i love food in all shapes and sizes
i love birthdays and surprises
i love animals like baby ducks
i love cars and pick up trucks
i love music and angels that sing
i love just about everything
i love the stars and the sky blue
but darlin' i don't love you
Copyright ©
jessejames
... [
2005-12-28 20:23:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: But I Don't Love You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie-Kie on
Wednesday, 28th December 2005 @ 08:45:29 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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You love so many but can't find it in your heart to love this one person? They must have done something terrible to make you not love them. I'm sorry *hugs*
Love ya,
~Kiela~ |
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Re: But I Don't Love You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Wednesday, 28th December 2005 @ 09:58:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| now, this was an interesting post. i found it extremely simple in how it is written, which i usually abhor. the anaphora and basic sentence structure used repeatedly just usually annoys me is all. your rhymes in some places seemed forced or just too simple, and would make this overall an extremely simple poem. you had excellent rhythm, and i find that having rhythm is a skill that is hard to master. i have never mastered it, and it is so clear in this poem, that you have it in this. you had an excellent ending, because it was a twist, but your title gave that away. i for one was like okay you like all of these things, but where does the title fit? and well as i read along it became apparent that it would be an ending. your title should accentuate a point in your poem, but it shouldnt destroy a part of the poem. now even though this is written in a way that i dont really condone on a usual basis, i found you made it work, which you are a miracle writer then =] now your second line, i really love that one, quite different from the other ones. |
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