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Drowning Man
Contributed by
bobotheclown
on
Monday, 26th December 2005 @ 11:53:11 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Staring out of sightless orbs
The sunlight cannot penetrate this far
Rose thorns stitch shut my wounds
Innocence starved and sucked from my corrupt soul
Hiding my hands stained with hate
And my face creased with sorrow
I crawl towards my tomb
Attempting to invert the pain inside
Juxtaposed scars smile sweetly
Pain enhancers inhibit the senses
Adorned only with this pain
And thoughts of self-mutilation
Take my heart and burn the remains
Pour the ashes into the void that comprises me
And leave me to suffer upon this endless sea
Simply waiting for the end,
But my eyes burn with a fire
Dimmed, but burning nonetheless
You never meant all that much to me
And I will never give up
I will not cry for you
I will not bleed for you
And I will not miss you
Because I am done with you
Copyright ©
bobotheclown
... [
2005-12-26 23:53:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Drowning Man
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 27th December 2005 @ 12:21:55 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Very entransing write.
It has sadnes but these powerfull words shows one strong person inside.
huggs, luv,
emy |
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Re: Drowning Man
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Tuesday, 27th December 2005 @ 02:00:03 AM AEST
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Very deep and powerfully written.
Don't give up.....there is always hope..
When one door closes another opens up...
Hugs
Jenni |
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Re: Drowning Man
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterflygirl40 on
Tuesday, 27th December 2005 @ 02:42:30 AM AEST
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| very good write on this poem and i liked the last words on this poem .. i will not cry for you and i will not bleed for you. and i will not miss you cause i am done with you. |
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Re: Drowning Man
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 27th December 2005 @ 05:49:21 PM AEST
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joel,
this is so very sad. I hope that your going to be ok.Im just a pm away if you need me
Michelle |
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Re: Drowning Man
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 29th December 2005 @ 12:57:13 AM AEST
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| excellent poem joel. this was full of originality and creativity. you balance it with enough regular verses to not alienate the reader with too much creativity though, because those alternate realities really do warp the mind with some poems. your first stanza stands out to be the best in my eyes. your poem i found was going from incredibly original to more and more simple, though. it was a unique transition that i dont many are capable of, but it seems that things become less complex at a face value glance of what a transition like this could mean. |
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Re: Drowning Man
(User Rating: 1 )
by SensitiveSoAbused on
Thursday, 29th December 2005 @ 07:10:35 PM AEST
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Staring out of sightless orbs
The sunlight cannot penetrate this far
Rose thorns stitch shut my wounds
Juxtaposed scars smile sweetly
Take my heart and burn the remains
Pour the ashes into the void that comprises me
Simply waiting for the end,
what beautiful lines these are. a very poetic nature to be sure, though manifesting a hurt unknown by your outward appearance and actions.
You never meant all that much to me
And I will never give up
at first this line blew me away, cuz I thought it said,
"You never meant all that much to me
And I will never give you up
that would have been tight. But wow, a tremendously pained poem. makes me want to videotape you riping your heart and eyes out, and sell it on ebay.
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