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Little Minds
Contributed by
Aquaelius
on
Wednesday, 21st December 2005 @ 09:19:26 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
We live in great big world:
Big oceans, tall buildings... ten gallon hats.
Infinity, the cosmos. Big sun.
Big planet.
You think like you're smart,
Your complaining is down right art,
Your look: passe.
Doing all your things your way.
And with all your goods... you nickel and dime,
'Cause you got little... (Tah-tah, tah-tah, tah-tah) Little minds.
We live in a great big world:
Huge planes, family cars... big breasts.
Double Quarter Pounders, You wanna Biggie Size?
Big feet and big shoes.
Whine and whine is all you do,
Talk about your friends, talk about my crew.
Thinking experience the key, it's your way or freeze.
But you down right more ignorant than cheese.
Let me say that your lack of thought should be a crime,
'Cause you got little... (Tah-tah, tah-tah, tah-tah) Little minds.
There ain't no head bigger than yours,
Nothing but space, won't you get a clue?
It's a sin thinking you're better than me,
Going over my head to those taller than me.
So I say it loud for you one more time,
You got little... (Tah-tah, tah-tah, tah-tah)
Little... (Tah-tah, tah-tah, tah-tah)
Little minds.
Copyright ©
Aquaelius
... [
2005-12-21 21:19:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Little Minds
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Wednesday, 21st December 2005 @ 09:50:26 PM AEST
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| i must say this was an interesting read. ive never seen a poem have such a lack of articles in it before. five articles for a poem this size. i could attribute the lack of articles to keeping some sort of rhythm, but i found none in this, and even then a different rhythm could be created. i think you could make this poem better by developing some sort of rhythm to make up for lack of articles. this was overpowered by cheesy raplike rhymes, and the scheme is broken. also rhyming the same word with itself isnt very creative. not every poem needs to rhyme to be spectacular, trying to use rhymes to make a poem a winner can turn it into a disaster. ive written them, every rhyming poet has. its the writers that dont force the rhymes that are remembered. dr. suess, interesting rhymes, he even invented words, but his forced rhyming accentuated the rhythm and made the tone more lighthearted. repeating the same lines over and over makes it lose power, and this is supposed to be an anger post. if you make your words lose power, what else is there to convey? this was more full of cheap shots than explaining why their nosiness was a problem. in the end you were doing rather well with explaining the annoyance and problems with it. with making other people angry about the same issue you might even gain some supporters and have people identify, but with cheapshots you only have people identify if they have thought the same. you could also twist the situation in this and say why you are better, by not stooping down to their level, but this poem is on their level. i think you have the ability to do better than to sink down to their level. and as for little minds, psychologists dont even know how to define intelligence or how to measure it completely for that matter. but then again most people are guilty of fundamental attribution errors and judging others. |
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Re: Little Minds
(User Rating: 1 )
by BEBE on
Wednesday, 21st December 2005 @ 09:56:33 PM AEST
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lol that was long comment.. but full of true things.. i think it is hard to judge ppl, when u probly most likely do the same... lighten up, dont woorie bout others..
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Re: Little Minds
(User Rating: 1 )
by holderofthestone on
Wednesday, 21st December 2005 @ 11:26:40 PM AEST
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There ain't no head bigger than yours,
Nothing but space, won't you get a clue?
It's a sin thinking you're better than me,
Going over my head to those taller than me.
So I say it loud for you one more time,
You got little... (Tah-tah, tah-tah, tah-tah)
Little... (Tah-tah, tah-tah, tah-tah)
Little minds.---
I FEEL YOU EXACTLY here...
i fully understand the meaning and statment behind this write and I can't agree more with you...
you nailed it completly and the words scream out with truthfullness and honesty... what else can you feel but anger when getting put down by those your only trying to help... every single day....
I GET IT! awesome write! again i love your poems... you have a gift! A+++++
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Re: Little Minds
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 22nd December 2005 @ 08:22:58 PM AEST
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| Yes, lots of big things in the world, hate being one of them. Keep humble. I pray you are well, you wrote your poem very well. Raquel Leah |
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Re: Little Minds
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 17th January 2006 @ 12:14:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Good writing.
Know what u mean.
huggs,
emy |
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