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The Let Down
Contributed by
stecks
on
Monday, 12th December 2005 @ 11:44:53 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
This is the let down,
Feels like a computer,
After its been shut down,
Heart thrown around,
Gone quiet ,
Cant hear a sound,
Going Deaf,
Trying to find out whats left,
My heart pounding ,
When I see her smile,
She looks like an angel,
Always pretty for the while,
She let it happen,
She let it go,
She made it sound ,
Like an old ringtone,
Hard to sleep,
Hard to eat,
Not gonna rest ,
Till she let me defeat,
Seeing double,
Finding trouble,
Left in rubble,
My life now feels like a bubble.
Copyright ©
stecks
... [
2005-12-12 11:44:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Let Down
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shmokin on
Monday, 12th December 2005 @ 02:10:35 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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i liked the rythm of this,
one suggestion,, last line:
My life now feels like a bubble.
My life, now a bubble.
i think it would flow better, hope you dont mind me suggesting it :-)
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Re: The Let Down
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Monday, 12th December 2005 @ 09:43:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A great write penned so well. The flow and rhyme are good. I agree with Shmokin on the last line. It fits in better. Well done.
*hugs*
~sue~ |
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