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miserable satisfaction affirmation of armageddon
Contributed by
SensitiveSoAbused
on
Saturday, 10th December 2005 @ 08:04:38 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
miserable satisfaction
affirmation of armageddon
Nails of a slanting silver
or black in the distance of yesterday remembered…
Vivid fantasies undermined
by shadows and malicious code,
all joyful thoughts poisoned.
A reaching strangling with bony fingers and a decayed grin.
Until, alas,
you are nothing
but a vehicle of my insecurities.
I can’t write like you
with a pencil of pen’d keyboard black.
Why even try, my toes are cold like Russia
and the jacket I’ve just been given.
Dad hugged me today,
told me he loved me.
I can’t think without frowning
of you, in anxiety,
and dismayal.
…
It’s not true and I believe it.
Panic and fear to hear from you an affirmation of armageddon…
…until your words love me with raspberry jam caresses,
Honey’d smiles and laughter of seraphim.
Your lips on mine tell me I’m silly with no words…
Yet all is negated
by all that I am.
And wretched vomit squirts on my carpet and my bed,
suits repulsion of this place;
try to be nothing you are not,
Be what you aren’t but need?
It’s still filthy.
And however pleasurable,
I’m still a disease.
Will I ever be able to think of you without fear?
Shall I abandon this to be what I convince myself I am?
I don’t like how the weather fluxes.
And so I shall lock myself
inside a freezer of my own mind.
For a consistent temperature,
and no spoonfuls of sugar.
I tell myself with clenched fists,
[beating the ***** out of the girl next door]
“This is untrue!”
(as I pace)
“Discontinue this!”
(and collapse…)
I will not cease to rape you
with my mind and
You will never be pure in my thoughts.
If you leave me I will be right.
If you don’t I know I will be
Eventually
If you love me it will fade.
If you don’t it’s all my fault.
Miserable Satisfaction.
An affirmation of self-pity.
A childish dependency on a safer self,
A numb frozen death
in a very cold freezer.
[2005-12-08 22:55:21]
Copyright ©
SensitiveSoAbused
... [
2005-12-10 20:04:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: miserable satisfaction affirmation of armageddon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Xnoybis on
Sunday, 11th December 2005 @ 04:46:44 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| I love it. Dark and twisted. A step away from turning in on itself, but you've kept the carrot a bob ahead. |
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Re: miserable satisfaction affirmation of armageddon
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Sunday, 11th December 2005 @ 05:49:48 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
this was damn amazing my friend I wish I
could write like you. I can relate to the pain
and emotions in this especially right now.
Keep up the writing and I know the sun will
shine through the darkness soon.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: miserable satisfaction affirmation of armageddon
(User Rating: 1 )
by enigma on
Wednesday, 14th December 2005 @ 06:43:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
...your spacing and boldprint were effective...the stabbing quality of your phrasing worked, too...but, I feel so bad when I see others bleeding and hurting like me...ouch...very definitely, ouch...it was Beautiful as only agony and icy emptiness can be Beautiful...
...wish all us hurting people could get together for a group hug...
ron...enigma |
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Re: miserable satisfaction affirmation of armageddon
(User Rating: 1 )
by FleurdeSang on
Tuesday, 20th December 2005 @ 03:54:55 PM AEST
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a Message)
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*Sighs*
Oh, cheri...
Sorrowful.... heart-wrenchingly honest....
Every word resonates with truth, and it hurts to read... It hurts to see your pain, and not being able to do anything about it...
Know always...
That I love you.
And it won't change. Doubt it all you want, but I know... and hopefully... you know... that when I say "I love you", it comes from my heart.
I love you.
I wish you much hope, lots of sunshine, and smiles...
And, of course... excellent piece of poetic perfection. Always a pleasure reading your work, cheri Lane. TQM, Querido. Para siempre.
Hay siempre sol después de la lluvia...
Recuerdate, mi cielo.
Always,
Tu flor,
~Stephy. |
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