|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
untitled
Contributed by
savedbydeath
on
Monday, 5th December 2005 @ 08:48:13 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
i saw you tonight
you saw me tonight
what was running through your mind?
blood was rushing my sight blind
i still cant believe what you did
it seems as if you're still a kid
your touch was like hard acid
im tired of bing fooled
(chorus)
what you did was wrong
and im still dwelling over you gone
wondering if you'll ever return
you're acten stubburn
you put me on a trip
and i lost all my grip
i went down hard
and got barred
i know what you're going through isnt normal
they advized you to be careful
you were shining in my world
but you proved that was just a dream-world
and then the words you said became un said
making all sence dead
i waited forever for your call
and when you didnt i started a brawl
it was a game of no curing all
with grafity covering my wall
you ran my thoughts
and now i wonder why you got two shots
you sparked my gun shots
you created many of the knots
you activated the wars in my head
i lay resting on my deadbed
the colours i see are blood-red
you are what i dread
i wanna tell you i still have feelings for you
i wanna know what to do
i wanna know why you withdrew
i wanna know the truth
you can even speak to me
you can still look at me
i wish 1 day again we could be
you made me happy
will you ever call me again
maybe everything can be worked out then
but i cant be just a friend
i just wouldnt be able to mend
i miss you greatly
but im starten to hate you dearly
i cant exaplain how i feel
maybe this is just a dream and not real
(chorus)
what you did was wrong
and im still dwelling over you gone
wondering if you'll ever return
you're acten stubburn
you put me on a trip
and i lost all my grip
i went down hard
and got barred
i know what you're going through isnt normal
they adviced you to be careful
i saw you tonight
i thought then i could it right
but then i thought of a gun fight
you saw me tonight
Copyright ©
savedbydeath
... [
2005-12-05 20:48:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by cashncoe on
Monday, 5th December 2005 @ 08:53:41 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
TITLE FOR THIS IS WHY!
BUT IF THIS IS A SONG TRY TO SING IT IT HAS NO FLOW NO RYTHM. YOUR NOT FAR OFF JUST TWEEK IT AND MAKE IT FLOW
|
|
|
Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by cashncoe on
Monday, 5th December 2005 @ 08:58:19 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT OUTLAW_MUTINY ON HERE HE WRITES GOOD STUFF WITH NICE FLOW IM SERIOUS IT MAY HELP YOU |
|
|
Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by the_story_of_the_year on
Monday, 5th December 2005 @ 10:55:47 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
It seems like you put a lot of work into this one. well done. as far as a title goes, I like to take a line out of the piece that does the best job summing up the entire thing. Maybe in this case "I Saw You Tonight" because the piece seems to be about your thoughts when you saw this person tonight. Hopefully this was of some help.
-andrew |
|
|
Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stonedraider23 on
Tuesday, 27th December 2005 @ 07:23:02 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Yea good write... You saw me tonite sounds good and i think it has a flow that other guy is just out there keep up with ur own style... miss ur writes...... |
|
|
Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by drtylilsecret on
Saturday, 18th February 2006 @ 12:15:43 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
judging by the fact that it had a chorus, i'm assuming it was supposed to be a song?
the 2 that i have were songs too, but i like yours, though musically it might not flow, the ideas do.
Seems very real, great job
~Natalya |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
