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Thoughts On Life
Contributed by
thoughtsonlife
on
Monday, 5th December 2005 @ 06:06:48 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
What do I feel now anyways?
I feel more and more like life is slipping away from me
Things that I enjoyed now no longer even allow me to escape the deep lingering melancholy that has completely overwhelmed me
People might try and call this depression, but I would disagree
Depression suggests that you feel emotion
It suggests that there is something left of your soul, that still believes that you could be saved from a miserable existence
I have no such feelings
By now you would begin to diagnose me with things.
Anxiety, Depression, possibly even suicidal tendencies.
Once again, this would only be possible if there were something left to kill.
For me, there is not.
I have died a thousand times, on days like today, and will likely die a thousand more
This is not a sudden, final, all-powerful death that is much glorified in Hollywood.
No, this death is a quiet, slow death, much like that of a muffled scream.
A scream that would cut the silence, quieted by the all-encompassing nothingness that I seem to surrender to.
The nothingness that has, slowly devoured my soul and every essence that makes me who I am.
I am now nothing.
Not a Shadow
An Echo
A Vibration of what was
I ceased to exist long ago
This black hole now drags down those around me
Slowly devours the souls of my “friends” with a hunger that can and will never be curbed
All that can be done is to avoid any and all contact with the world
A world that I never asked to be part of in the first place
Now you might ask why my life is so bad, do I deserve pity?
No, no pity here.
Never.
My life is what it is and that is existence
Perhaps one might consider it a wealthier one than most,
But I would ask you to define wealth
Is it the monetary value of your possessions?
I would disagree as the greatest of these can and must not have a price
What about the sum of your experiences?
No, again, you don’t see that one may win a Nobel Prize or walk on the moon without realizing true happiness
I would rather define wealth by the extent in which you feel as part of a whole.
Whether as a whole person, family, team, organization, race, religion, or anything.
To be part of a whole is more or less a driving urge that had changed and defined history
Would Caesar conquer Rome without an army, would Mohammed change the world without followers?
No, this is a most basic and primal urge that must be satisfied by all.
But what about when you turn completely away from this, as I have?
What of those who have been lost along the side of this very long and treacherous road?
They may take one of two paths, for neither is reversible.
To turn from the light that is inclusion is to become the very thing that you feel when you are part of that hated society.
Nothing.
An irreversible path that I would not wish on any
What of the other path, you ask?
This is the path of blind commitment
The path of darkness that seems the lightest
But is this really light
No, to turn from society only to be caught up in its darker underside is, a fate, much like death, too.
You cease to exist.
He begins.
He follows rules and orders.
He is one of them.
The ones you hate
The ones that would hate you
But not him.
Ask yourself, do you hate him?
A mask is still a mask after all.
A mask can and will be stripped away by the all destructive maelstrom of Time Itself
Then what is left?
You?
A Shadow?
An Echo?
A Vibration?
Nothing.
Me…
Copyright ©
thoughtsonlife
... [
2005-12-05 18:06:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Thoughts On Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by n2dep2care on
Monday, 5th December 2005 @ 07:49:50 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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This writing touched me deeply, because I have been in this dark, cold desolate place. And am still lingering within its borders. Your work brought tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. Very strongly expressed emotions that are very real, and could not be mistaken. I could actually taste and smell your fear and heartbreak. Keep writing, sometimes it’s the only warm place that exists inside us. And it is enough to sustain. Well done!
Laurie |
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Re: Thoughts On Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dark_and_Cold on
Monday, 5th December 2005 @ 10:54:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A nice work, but it grows tiresome towards the end.
Brandin |
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