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Angels in the Shade
Contributed by
In_a_While
on
Sunday, 4th December 2005 @ 02:50:22 PM in AEST
Topic:
self-harmpoetry
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I woke to clouds descending
and angels in the shade
I knew my art was ending
before the paint was laid
I'm numb within the canvas
to lies and pillows grey
I never knew i'd want this
this nightmare in the day
Crush my heart of candy
scratch and sniff till noon
I wonder if she'll have me
or desert me till i'm blue
Now i feel too numb to paint
all the things i knew
I'm sour in my heart of hate
because i'm now with you...
dw
Copyright ©
In_a_While
... [
2005-12-04 14:50:22]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Angels in the Shade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 4th December 2005 @ 03:33:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Yay first comment, no my first comment. My first comment on the poem lol. This was a very good poem, it kind of reminded me of how I portrayed my poetry as art, many different emotions can be expressed in such little words. Well this was a good write. I loved it. Keep that pen rollin. SLipSiX. |
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Re: Angels in the Shade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Xbxg32000 on
Sunday, 4th December 2005 @ 08:32:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Well, this is my first comment on the site. I have to say that your poem is pretty good, and it has a good structure to it. I enjoyed the distinct vocabulary that you used, such as "numb within the canvas". I also like the way you ended it, as it ties up the entire poem together nicely. Good job. |
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Re: Angels in the Shade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Sunday, 4th December 2005 @ 10:59:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Dwayne so much can be said in so few words. A very gifted and talented poet who never disappoints with his writing. One should read between the lines. Need ta talk I'm here 4 you my friend.
*heartfelt hugs to a very dear friend*
~sue~ |
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Re: Angels in the Shade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Iris1126 on
Monday, 5th December 2005 @ 02:19:46 AM AEST
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I really liked this poem. I loved the imagery... especially these two lines:
"I'm numb within the canvas"
"Crush my heart of candy
scratch and sniff till noon"
Beautiful and excellent choice of words. Although there is one thing that is bothering me about the poem. The ending. The way it rolls off of my tongue. The whole poem is in constant rythm, but I feel the ending is lacking.
"Now i feel too numb to paint
all the things i knew
I'm sour in my heart of hate
because i'm now with you..."
I was thinking of maybe flip flopping the "i'm now with you" to "now I'm with you". Let me know what you think. Just a suggestion... It was a beautiful poem :)
"Now i feel too numb to paint
of all the things i knew
I'm sour in my heart of hate
because now i'm with you..."
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Re: Angels in the Shade
(User Rating: 1 )
by justme03 on
Monday, 5th December 2005 @ 12:38:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I love this poem! The title is what got me to read it and im glad i did because the whole poem is awesome and i love how you describe everything! I tried finding a line i really like but i just cant cuz i like the whole thing! so awesome. lots o love, Kortnie |
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Re: Angels in the Shade
(User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on
Tuesday, 20th December 2005 @ 02:41:43 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this was yet another excellent poem.. i loved it.. you have talent..
take care
christina |
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Re: Angels in the Shade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jackee_line on
Tuesday, 7th November 2006 @ 05:06:03 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| well done , a great read. |
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