|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
VOICES
Contributed by
silent
on
Saturday, 3rd December 2005 @ 09:27:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
I sit here and stare
Alone in my chair
Looking so very deep
My mind unable to even sleep
Insomnia playing tricks again
Black eyes producing maximum pain
Searching heart, feeling beat
Burning flesh, thumping feet
Head spinning, voices ringing
Images, veiled before my eyes
Light tears falling, no disguise
Sensing the light
Still willing to fight
Voices are longer
Weilding force ever stronger
Need to stop, razor atop
Bloodied flow
Warm sharp pain
Pulsating vein
As the flow turns to red
Praying soon, i'll be dead...
Copyright ©
silent
... [
2005-12-03 21:27:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: VOICES
(User Rating: 1 )
by MajesticPoet on
Saturday, 3rd December 2005 @ 10:02:56 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Good write. Emotion flows. But remember death is never the answer. It is the way out of one problem only to cause more heartache in its place.. Great emotion though..
MaJ |
|
|
Re: VOICES
(User Rating: 1 )
by weepingprophet on
Sunday, 4th December 2005 @ 12:32:40 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I enjoyed the flow until the fifth stanza when i felt there was a breach.
"Need to stop, razor atop.
bloodied flow
warm sharp pain
pulsating vein."
It is a beautiful image you're depicting here but i think that the line "bloodied flow", though it produces feeling and is a good line, disrupts the rest of the piece.
perhaps to keep the same idea and the consistency in rythm and flow you could change it to something like " Need to stop, razor atop.
bloodied pain
sharp from my pulsating vein." or "warm from my pulsating vein." so you keep your original words but place them differently.
I enjoyed the read!
~there is a sickness far more brutal than leprosy, it ensures fatality and remains blind to its own thalidomide presence-to its victims this sickness is known as love~weepingprophet |
|
|
Re: VOICES
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shattered_soul on
Sunday, 4th December 2005 @ 01:20:07 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| MY GOD, me too... |
|
|
Re: VOICES
(User Rating: 1 )
by outlaw_mutiny on
Friday, 9th December 2005 @ 08:35:13 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| voices huh |
|
|
Re: VOICES
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Thursday, 27th April 2006 @ 10:05:21 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
there's much to be said within these few lines..
and a very ominous final stanza.. indeed-
B |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
