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Obsidienne
Contributed by
sophie_taylor
on
Friday, 2nd December 2005 @ 04:34:35 AM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
Obsidienne
Sailing on Obsidienne
Was it meant to be?
Is it worth risking my life?
Living most of it at sea
The wave’s splash over
Our boom has fallen down
Our cabins filled with water
And the bow is going up and down
11 thousand miles across the ocean
We did this adventure all alone
At last our journey is complete
And it feels great to be finally home
By Sophie Taylor
Copyright ©
sophie_taylor
... [
2005-12-02 04:34:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Obsidienne
(User Rating: 1 )
by ndat on
Friday, 2nd December 2005 @ 06:09:39 AM AEST
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| It is rather short for what it could be considering it seems like you are working out a story. I think there is a lot more specific things you can say about the voyage that would intreast people rather then just general things that happened. I mean 11,000 mile journay across the ocean... it deserves more than 3 paragraphs. I like your premise and your writting is well thought I just think you need to elaborate on it :). |
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Re: Obsidienne
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sophie_Taylor on
Saturday, 3rd December 2005 @ 02:43:42 AM AEST
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this poem was written for my uncle peter who wrote a book about his journey called "11 thousand miles accross the ocean" and had to be a limit of three paragraphs to be published in the book!! thanks for comments!!
Sophie xoxo |
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