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Blind
Contributed by
jessie53067
on
Monday, 28th November 2005 @ 03:07:03 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
It hurts to see that you haven't seen
I'm doing back-flips for you
It hurts to hear your uninterested voice
Little words cut me deep
It hurts to touch empty space
Were you ever even there?
It hurts that you never saw the signs
I'm so obvious
It hurts that you never caught my eyes
They always seemed drawn to you
It hurts that you're not blind and probably saw it all
I'm such a fool
But it hurts even more to know you're not blind
So I'll just pretend that you are
Copyright ©
jessie53067
... [
2005-11-28 15:07:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Blind
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Monday, 28th November 2005 @ 03:14:17 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I'm doing back-flips for you
I love that line. I can't explain why, but I think it's the best line in the poem.
The rest of the poem is also good, if a little repetitive. Try looking for other ways to say 'It hurts' to make the read a little more interesting.
Good write,
Phil xxx |
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Re: Blind
(User Rating: 1 )
by dalamar on
Tuesday, 29th November 2005 @ 02:58:34 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I am so sorry. I really had no Idea at the time. I was mess then but you helped me out of it. It is better that we are just friends because I tell my friends everything before I tell some on that I am in a realationship with. |
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