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Vivre(english version)
Contributed by
karazoul
on
Wednesday, 23rd November 2005 @ 06:39:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
insomniac
|
On your long and sad way,
With your vast and sinister intention,
Where sadness, joy and love
Loneliness and distress are intermingled.
On this wheel which whirls
Unceasingly and never stop,
This strange and beautiful Babylon,
Where a myriad of storms occur.
Prisoner of this coldness,
Remained peacefully in this pain,
Your spirit dangles on a string
And your heart exposed explodes.
However this splendor, this life,
This so pretty life deserves to be lived
And these storms to be overcome.
And forever let us live the infinite one
Copyright ©
karazoul
... [
2005-11-23 18:39:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Vivre(english version)
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostrelic on
Wednesday, 23rd November 2005 @ 06:58:36 PM AEST
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very interesting write good job
r.m.wilder |
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Re: Vivre(english version)
(User Rating: 1 )
by His_Infernal_Majesty on
Wednesday, 23rd November 2005 @ 07:16:20 PM AEST
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| This poem appeals dirrectly to my heart, I loved it so much. Great poem, Keep erm Coming |
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Re: Vivre(english version)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterflygirl40 on
Wednesday, 23rd November 2005 @ 08:17:17 PM AEST
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| nice poem. |
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Re: Vivre(english version)
(User Rating: 1 )
by BEBE on
Wednesday, 23rd November 2005 @ 10:26:34 PM AEST
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very good job, keep em coming
GODBLESS
BEBE |
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Re: Vivre(english version)
(User Rating: 1 )
by breny on
Thursday, 24th November 2005 @ 10:56:38 PM AEST
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| Wow this was amazing! You're a spectacular writer! Good job! = ) |
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Re: Vivre(english version)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Karazoul on
Friday, 25th November 2005 @ 01:51:59 PM AEST
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| Thank to all of you for your encouraging comment.....(It's a great comment especially for somebody like me that is not really bilingual....Usualy I speak French...I'm from Québec(CANADA)) |
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Re: Vivre(english version)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 25th November 2005 @ 02:30:01 PM AEST
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I think your poem is beautiful, sad, and appears to be a happy ending with the note of positive hope in the last stanza.
Also what makes this poem great is the challenge you have of translating it into a language that is not your native tongue.
Awesome job.
Thank you for sharing and take care.
Tim
:-) |
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Re: Vivre(english version)
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Monday, 28th November 2005 @ 01:57:56 AM AEST
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Karazoul, I like the reference to babylon..The conclusion in 3rd stanza is very beautiful.
venkat |
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Re: Vivre(english version)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Monday, 28th November 2005 @ 10:16:29 PM AEST
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Wow this is magnificent. How hard it is to translate it into english. You've done a marvellous job with this. A deep heartfelt write that comes from the depths of ur heart.
Thanks for sharing ur beautiful work with us.
*hugs*
~sue~ |
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Re: Vivre(english version)
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 29th November 2005 @ 11:28:34 AM AEST
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Even with the slightly rough translation, this is well formed, and expressed well. An extra comma here and there wouldn't hurt. For instance:
And your heart exposed explodes.
would be read better as:
And your heart exposed, explodes.
But overall punctuation and wording is very good. Keep at it, you have talent...
Scorp.
(Who normally ignores pm's requesting she read a poem, but this was good, so...*wink*)
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