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another nameless stuff i wrote
Contributed by
deathbringer
on
Tuesday, 22nd November 2005 @ 10:27:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I'm trying to write something new here
And don't want to leave my own little sphere
Don't want to find beauty just to get hurt
It is still painful my soul that was burnt
Don't want to leave my isolated grave
Don't want to feel life, I am not that brave.
I hate the life flowing through my veins
In my mind , chaos and havoc reigns.
This simple thought cast into the night
Make the beauty of my never ending night.
Copyright ©
deathbringer
... [
2005-11-22 22:27:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: another nameless stuff i wrote
(User Rating: 1 )
by OzChick on
Tuesday, 22nd November 2005 @ 11:08:47 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| This is a pretty good poem but there are some typos (what do I expect at 3:15 am?). In line 6 you forgot to use an upper case 'I' and in the next line you misspelled 'through'. The second last line doesn't sound quite right to me. Either 'These simple thoughts' or 'This simple thought' would make better sense, in my opinion anyway. I liked the way your words flowed and you worked the rhyme well. Cheers. |
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Re: another nameless stuff i wrote
(User Rating: 1 )
by sride686 on
Wednesday, 23rd November 2005 @ 06:23:08 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Damn this was a great write and it has what I like
best about true dark writes it flows straight from
your thoughts and you can see that and feel that
when you read it. Forget this fool typos don’t mean
a thing it’s the words and the emotion put into the
writes. If he could only see past the typo maybe he
could feel the words on the page. I like the last two
lines,
This simple thoughts cast into the night
Make the beauty of my never ending night.
How many times over here I’ve felt like this and my
thoughts feel like they could drag me under into a pit
of hell and hate. Take care and keep up the
writes….Steve
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