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The Stalest Of Scores
Contributed by
weepingprophet
on
Tuesday, 22nd November 2005 @ 11:30:52 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
sit up.
shake myself awake
slap.
sting across my face
i've erased you
somewhere you are whole
in the world
you are simple
and satisfied
three months and six days
i'm fading away
waste.
the nightmare began
a huddled mass
an outstretched arm
a single slash
from this wrist is born
my remorse
the solace that settles
even the steepest of scores
i'm dripping slow
the shallow ear
yearning to know
i bear only what i suffer
to hold near
that somewhere in the world
you are whole, satisfied
and three months six days
i've been denied
from this wrist is born
my remorse
the solace that settles
even the stalest of scores
Copyright ©
weepingprophet
... [
2005-11-22 11:30:52] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Stalest Of Scores
(User Rating: 1 ) by In_a_while on
Tuesday, 22nd November 2005 @ 11:57:16 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Great beginning! It was very effective in catching my attention so that any further reading is to be taken with great consideration. As a whole i thought the piece was extremely well crafted and the words you use are elegant and strong.
I thought the ending was powerfully put as well:
from this wrist is born
my remorse
the solace that settles
even the stalest of scores
Keep it up..and i'll keep reading. |
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Re: The Stalest Of Scores
(User Rating: 1 ) by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 22nd November 2005 @ 12:32:47 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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You worded your thoughts quite well here, and with a dash of creativity too, I might add! I enjoyed this. It kept a good flow, and your feelings were certainly conveyed to the reader. Keep it up!!
Scorp. |
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Re: The Stalest Of Scores
(User Rating: 1 ) by Butterflygirl40 on
Tuesday, 22nd November 2005 @ 02:18:07 PM AEST (User
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nice poem .. it was awsome!!! I like it
thanks for sharing it |
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Re: The Stalest Of Scores
(User Rating: 1 ) by Bohemian_with_a_pen on
Wednesday, 23rd November 2005 @ 04:04:26 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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beyond words
all i can offer is:
well done |
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