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Common Ground
Contributed by
Lancaster
on
Monday, 21st November 2005 @ 08:37:23 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
If you know yourself so well
How is the predictable so commonly felt
What you feel you lack in principle
Are those things you wish to forget
Is that feeling you can never shake
Are those habits you can never break
If you care like you claim to
Where are you
When it needs you
When it calls out your name
With words that please you
Is the world that keeps you
Alive and feeds you
Food for the brain
For the blood that heats you
If you were never here
Or the place before
The house on the beach
The two front doors
Open and lead into a hall of retreat
Where in your room
You would bang on the walls
Shout from your lungs
And feel destroyed
If you never came
And never went
Distance saved up
A travel expense
Unravel the suspense
Keep yourself in the dark
The gravel glides intent
Under your feet in the yellow bricked park
If you are over
Then why are you still around
If this is closure
Then why is the spiral still bound
To the laws of gravity
And the physics of sound
The logistics are faulty
The plan is to reach common ground
__________________________________
___________________________
Copyright ©
Lancaster
... [
2005-11-21 20:37:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Common Ground
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Monday, 21st November 2005 @ 08:58:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is quite good. well-worded with a pinch of profundity. I especially like that third stanza. These lines are impressive.
I do think it would be well served by punctuation; seeing as the flow is broken into sub-clauses and such-like, commas and semicolons would help it to be readily understood. But well done, nonetheless.
Keep at it.
Andrew |
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Re: Common Ground
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Monday, 21st November 2005 @ 10:37:33 PM AEST
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I thought it said,Alot.!
It told of something that one, wanted, yet were they really wanting?! Hm....Good post.....
Brew~ |
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Re: Common Ground
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 22nd November 2005 @ 12:28:55 PM AEST
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It's been quite some time since you've made an appearance on the homepage...welcome back : )
The second and the last stanzas stood out the most for me, as far as emotive content, and flow of thoughts...I find this write to be incredibly full of feeling, and just overall depth of thought, and insight. When I first read it, it appeared to be writtten about someone who hurt you somehow. On second glance, it appears to be personal, as in written about yourself, in an almost mocking, but reflectively sad tone. Maybe a bit of both...? It's very good.
Scorp. |
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