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Tears Of Goodbye's
Contributed by
His_Infernal_Majesty
on
Monday, 21st November 2005 @ 03:47:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
The lonely hearts of you and me.
Now as dead to you, as love can be.
The tears of an angel, gates of grace.
The lost Elysium, our love onced chased.
Life was light,
and death was dark.
You broke my heart .
And all the joy in life feel apart.
Silence..
Tears feel slowly-rapidly on the floor,
as I dream about the life I onced Adored.
To pretend I never love you would be a lie.
The life I loved, had just died.
For this was the tears of goodbye.
Copyright ©
His_Infernal_Majesty
... [
2005-11-21 15:47:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Tears Of Goodbye's
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Monday, 21st November 2005 @ 06:17:07 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This is good. I do have a few suggestions though.
In the second stanza, fourth line, I think you meant 'fell' not 'feel'.
Also, the last line of the poem isn't gramatically correct.
It should probably be 'For these were the tears of goodbye'
Anyway, I do like your poem, very much, but if those things were changed it ould be a lot better, in my opinion.
I must say, the first stanza is my favourite.
Good write,
*hugs*
Phil xxx |
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Re: Tears Of Goodbye's
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Monday, 21st November 2005 @ 07:02:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Tears of goodbye, ..........well better to cry now, and know it wasnt...Then cry later with more at stake.! Not to sound like a pestimist, because Im just the opposite. But getting hurt, sucks.! It takes all that was and then, sucks it dry.! Liked the write, it was from the "inner" Hope all works out better, in its on time.!
Brew~ |
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Re: Tears Of Goodbye's
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sophie_Taylor on
Wednesday, 23rd November 2005 @ 06:10:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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great poem!!
Kepp Up The Good Work!!
Sophie xoxo |
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Re: Tears Of Goodbye's
(User Rating: 1 )
by Karazoul on
Wednesday, 23rd November 2005 @ 06:14:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is beautiful! |
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