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Poison
Contributed by
RipVanWinkle
on
Sunday, 20th November 2005 @ 11:12:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Once bitten, you're doomed,
The poison slips into your veins,
Penetrates your very soul,
The fangs leave a festering wound that will never heal,
You get a fever and grow hot,
Your heart starts to race,
Your chest tightens and you find it hard to breath,
You grow weak in the knees,
And your limbs go numb,
Your hands and feet go cold.
At first you're scared,
And feel faint,
Like you don't believe what's happening.
Then you start feeling better,
Your heart goes steady,
And you feel all warm and tingly inside,
You think everything is going to be ok.
Then it happens,
A pain like you've never felt before rips you apart,
And leaves you bleeding,
You feel like you're dyeing,
But you're not,
You just wish for it.
After a time the pain ebbs away,
And you move on,
But the wound is still there,
Festering.
There is no antidote for the poison,
Called love.
Copyright ©
RipVanWinkle
... [
2005-11-20 23:12:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Poison
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 20th November 2005 @ 11:31:38 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| nice original ending. a bit too descriptive for my tastes, but then i hate description of any kind =] but im not a fan of love, so i liked the concept and how it was portrayed. even though i dont care for desciptions, you have a knack for them. keep writing, and welcome to the site sleepy. |
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Re: Poison
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Monday, 21st November 2005 @ 01:06:14 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
A big warm welcome to YPDC. I hope u enjoy it here.
This was a very well written and expressed piece of poetry that leaves the reader captivated from start to finish. An excellent first submission. Thanks for sharing ur work with us.
*hugs*
~sue~ |
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Re: Poison
(User Rating: 1 )
by jmpy84 on
Monday, 21st November 2005 @ 02:50:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| nicely done keep it up |
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