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To Live Is To Die
Contributed by
fredsmith
on
Sunday, 20th November 2005 @ 05:48:05 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
To Live Is To Die
Please let me die,
So I can be free.
Before I start to cry,
Why can’t you see.
The end of my time,
It must be done.
Complete the crime,
I’ve had my fun.
Pull the trigger,
Let the blood stain.
How do you figure,
That this won’t end my pain.
What other choice is there,
Before it’s too late.
Why should I care,
That this is my fate.
Can’t you see the tears,
I’m so afraid.
It’s what everyone fears,
In hell I will decade.
I see the light,
Then the dark.
As he’s insight,
To put out my spark.
By Fred Smith
Copyright ©
fredsmith
... [
2005-11-20 17:48:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: To Live Is To Die
(User Rating: 1 )
by BEBE on
Sunday, 20th November 2005 @ 07:06:14 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I loved how your writing just flowed.. Nice job
Bebe
p.s lets hope this isnt true though, cuz that is scary |
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Re: To Live Is To Die
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 20th November 2005 @ 11:08:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| you have excellent rhythm. i think your rhymes are a bit too simplistic for your talents. i think if you are able to to have that good of a rhythm, that you can have rhymes with more than single syllables. as for your title, very true, i prefer to think of it as there must be death for life. i think you had a bit of originality in this, and that is what also sets it apart from the mundane of other poems. i think if you capitalize with your rhythm, more complex rhymes, and more originality you will show your talent tremendously, as of now it can be seen, but your poem doesnt bleed it profusely as of yet. |
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Re: To Live Is To Die
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Monday, 21st November 2005 @ 12:23:38 AM AEST
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a Message)
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good poem I can relate to this quite a bit. I
hope writing helps you release your pain in a
constructive matter as it does me. Yeah very
good write.
Bobo (Joel) |
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