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Slaughtered Lamb
Contributed by
Jyssvw22
on
Saturday, 19th November 2005 @ 08:39:33 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Desolate, where no creature enters
The lamb brought forth to the alter
Even before he becomes sacrificial
Expendable, his blood was worth his tears
He has been stripped
Shaven of his beloved wool in a neat stitch
The crowd gathered ceremoniously
In what would be the lamb’s final legacy
Fighting the priest, does him no good
Begging for his release
His purpose, well interpreted and understood
The fire would scour the scar
He would become a diplomatic gesture
A sanctimonious prized possessor
His own creation sent back to him as ash
The smoke will dance to its point of nothingness at last
The perfect spot in the sun
The time for the last rights read have become
No apologies for the corrupt curriculum
Interrupted the prodigy of the last icon
He waits for the inevitable crown
That sets a place for him in pain filled stars crashing down
_____________________________
__________________________
Copyright ©
Jyssvw22
... [
2005-11-19 20:39:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Slaughtered Lamb
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 19th November 2005 @ 10:47:14 PM AEST
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| and i wish that i would have written this. you did yourself and this poem justice with your talent. this was amazing and a masterpiece. nice use of vocabularly, rhymes, concept, orignality, and allusion. also i think there is some nice imagery here as well, seeing as how i could actually see some of this, and well its a rarity to read anything that i see mentally these days. thanks for sharing the poem, its been a long time since ive been impressed by a poem here. |
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Re: Slaughtered Lamb
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Sunday, 20th November 2005 @ 12:46:36 AM AEST
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Impressive work. The language is something to fly away on. And the theme is handled splendidly. I like it much.
Andrew |
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Re: Slaughtered Lamb
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Sunday, 20th November 2005 @ 02:04:12 AM AEST
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His own creation sent back to him as ash
The smoke will dance to its point of nothingness at last
^^I'm not even sure why I picked that part, it certainly isn't the best as far as rhyme, etc. but...it just grabbed me somehow...This write is powerfully emotive jyss, and seems incredibly personal, and painful. You worded your feelings very well here. Of course, the title made me cringe a tad, but your titles often do anyway ; ) All joking aside, this is a really great piece...
Scorp.
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Re: Slaughtered Lamb
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Sunday, 20th November 2005 @ 06:46:15 AM AEST
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I loved your poetic rendering of senselessness-the destructive act of respectful homage.I haven't quite fathomed the psychology of it - scapegoats yes, but not the sacrifice of people and things (as you allude). It is at the same time and act of obeisance and insulting. Nice post.
Spike |
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