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I've Decided
Contributed by
Gothchyk
on
Monday, 14th November 2005 @ 02:03:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Ignore you was not what I was trying to do
My mind wandering in a world of deep thought
Looking for answers of what to do with you
I did find the answers to which I sought
Whole on the outside
But shattered within
Thinking about the bus ride
I don’t know where to begin
The paradigm of feelings shifted
Leave me bewildered and confused
Wondering which hand will be lifted
And which will be unused
Demons and Angels, Faeries and Dragons
The story will unfold
Though not with chariots and wagons
My heart will not be sold
I know that this is hard to hear
And believe me it’s hard to write
The ending of this is what I fear
I hope there is no fight
This decision was tough
But something I had to do
These words may be rough
I’ve decided not to be with you
Copyright ©
Gothchyk
... [
2005-11-14 14:03:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I've Decided
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Monday, 14th November 2005 @ 03:08:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A very well written piece of poetry packed with deep heartfelt emotions. You've done a great job with expressing yourself so well with this write. As for topic, I think it's appropiate in this category. Well done and keep penning.
*hugs*
sue |
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Re: I've Decided
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dark_and_Cold on
Monday, 14th November 2005 @ 06:02:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Corrections first,
This line , "I did find the answers to which I sought" should read " I did find the answers which I sought" "to which I sought" doesn't make sense. Also,
"The paradigm of feelings shifted
Leave me bewildered and confused"
The bottom line should read "Leaving..."
I enjoyed your poem
Brandin
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Re: I've Decided
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 15th November 2005 @ 02:04:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Well, I like the feelings conveyed here...The flow was a little bumpy here and there, which made the occasional rhyme seem off, but your line of thinking was good. You sort of weaved a storyline into your words, which adds depth, but the odd part was vague. Such as, the mysterious 'bus ride'. Doesn't really mean much to the reader by itself...Try to expand a little more in your writing, and leave out things that can't be easily summed up, or make a metaphor out of it...Keep up the writes, you have the talent for solid expression. Nicely done.
Scorp. |
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Re: I've Decided
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterflygirl40 on
Wednesday, 23rd November 2005 @ 08:59:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Nice ... |
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Re: I've Decided
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 7th January 2006 @ 12:50:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I can surely identify with this right now....
Thank you..
Jenni |
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Re: I've Decided
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kayden on
Thursday, 9th February 2006 @ 04:58:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is really good... I can tell that you put a lot of thought into this when you wrote it... This poem has good feeling with it... Great Job...
--------- Jimmy |
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Re: I've Decided
(User Rating: 1 )
by eggflipper on
Tuesday, 21st February 2006 @ 04:33:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Honesty tends to come through clearly. Any regrets? |
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Re: I've Decided
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Wednesday, 8th March 2006 @ 08:14:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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another great one...the rhyming is perfect and he message couldnt be more clear.
it seems as though this should be sad...but in reading it i get the impression that you felt some comfort and relief writing this.
wiz |
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