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Wind Across My Face
Contributed by
christsfollower
on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 06:29:01 PM in AEST
Topic:
ChristianPoetry
|
As the wind skips across my face,
and settles like a veil,
i think about the end of days
and my soul upon a scale.
Weighed against wrongdoings
and decisions under stress.
He'll ask me what my plea is
and I will not have to guess.
I'll tell him that I'm guilty
and I'll also tell him why.
Because I hurt so many,
my soul deserves to die.
As the wind skips across my face
I think of what's to come.
But to me it matters not,
Because inside me is God's son.
Copyright ©
christsfollower
... [
2005-11-07 18:29:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Wind Across My Face
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 06:41:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Well, being a Christian I appreciate the message, most definitely.
There are some things I think could be improved, such as the skewing of lines to make a rhyme; that's best never done, but I know it's hard not to with rhymed verse. You should try free verse - Bah! Not "free verse" really (I dislike the term), but nonrhymed verse. Many poets (including this one) feel that the English language has been rhymed so many times that it has lost its freshness for that purpose. Every possible rhyme seems to have been used a hundred times over. But there are ways to make non-end-rhymed verse a thing of skill and pattern as well. (and further skill starts to suggest new ways to rhyme as well, as we write and write)
Keep at it. Experiment. And God bless.
Andrew |
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Re: Wind Across My Face
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 09:23:35 PM AEST
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This is a really awesome poem and it's got a awesome message to it.
Take care.
Scott |
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Re: Wind Across My Face
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 9th November 2005 @ 01:15:54 PM AEST
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i love it...i've read it before, but i don't think i told you what i thought about it....
the message in it is AMAZING...my point is - it's an awesome write, and i hope you write tons more
- Beth - |
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Re: Wind Across My Face
(User Rating: 1 )
by Loende on
Saturday, 19th November 2005 @ 03:02:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I liked the ideas behind this work quite a bit, and I tend to agree with Andrew that perhaps a less structured form might help you to explore your inner poet. Still, this is a lovely piece, and the truth is there. You are indeed, God's son and may He bless you.
Be well,
Loende |
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