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Downward (Dont worry i got back up)
Contributed by
jilted
on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 12:58:34 AM in AEST
Topic:
toughstuff
|
I was sitting down at school one day
When some one told me I'd better come right away
They said my older sister was crying uncontrollably
I ran straight away to find her, I knew she needed me
When I got to her, a circle of friends had gathered round
What's the matter I asked, her friends said I'd better sit down
Just tell me what's wrong, did somebody die
Their looks said it all and before they told who it was I had already begun to cry
No, no, no, this can't be right
I saw him just the other night
You must be mistaken, you have to be
I love him, one day he would marry me
Christian was amazing, he had a heart of pure gold,
Of course I know now it was just a crush, but try telling me that at 13yrs old
I thought my life was over, what was life when you'd lost your soulmate
From that day on I called on death, begging it not to make me wait
Although my life had been far from pleasant before
This hit me harder than anything, I guess it was the last straw
I wanted to end it all, but I couldn't because I felt guilty
My sister was hurting too, I couldn't do it to her, it would've been selfish of me
So I found other way's instead, to release a little pain
I would take anything, to intoxicate and numb my brain
I would get so desperate, there's was nothing I wouldn't do
Once I resorted to sucking on gas from the outdoor BBQ
Then oneday I discovered cutting, after sharpening a nail file
The physical hurt blocked out the emotional pain, if only for a while
It worked quite well at first, a couple here, a couple there
But it got out of control, now I cant hide my scars and people stare
If this were'nt enough, my self image was distorted
So of course it wasn't long before I had an eating disorder
It was'nt so much about being thin, but I'd set myself goals
Lower and lower, everytime I reached them, I'd feel so in control
And this whole time I just wanted them to notice me
But mummy & daddy's addiction meant they couldn't see
Why were'nt they there when I needed them the most
Now its too late, Im dead inside, I walk the earth like a lonely ghost
**I wrote this 4 years ago. A lot's changed since then, my mum and dad are clean and I have a good relationship with them. I haven't cut in over a year and a half and I rarely touch drugs. I still have down day's like anyone else but I'm stronger and I deal with loss and hurt better.
Copyright ©
jilted
... [
2005-11-07 00:58:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Downward (Dont worry i got back up)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 02:01:46 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A sad, heart breaking write that brings tears to swell the eyes. You have been through so much. My heart and prayers go out to you.
I'm so glad things have changed since then, but please if ya feel ya need to talk to someone pm me ok. May the sun always shine brightly for you. Chin up.
*heartfelt hugs from me to u*
sue |
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Re: Downward (Dont worry i got back up)
(User Rating: 1 )
by memories_mist on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 02:44:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Wow...amazing..i had to read and re-read to make sure of what I had read. Girlie....what a thing to have to go through..and your struggles...I like many others i'm sure thought my life was bad, but WoW..this has had to be very trying....I commend you for bringing change to your life and the ability to continue on...such strength at a young time in your life....I look forward to seeing more of your work. Thank you for sharing. *smiles* |
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Re: Downward (Dont worry i got back up)
(User Rating: 1 )
by little_genna on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 03:15:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This touched me somewhere I havent been touched in a long time. This is a very emotional situation to write about. It gives me hope that I can turn my life around and stop with the self harming. I manage to go a few months without doing it then i loose control and again I'm doing it. Ive been lucky with eating disorders...i have friends around me that bug me about eating and they always ask whether Ive ate anything all day...so I just about maintain an acceptable body weight though I should probably be 14lbs heavier at least... anyway this poem has helped me realise its time to do something about my life.......thank you for sharing something so personal
much love
Gen xxx |
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