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falling
Contributed by
xXxmegsxXx
on
Friday, 4th November 2005 @ 03:43:11 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
im falling
fast
into the darkness
into the shadows
to a place
i cant escape
the night has
too strong a grip
i know its my
fault i'm falling
as i am
the one who jumped
i lost it all
i'll never get it back
its gone
like my soul
no sign of hope
im too far gone
i might aswell
be dead
thats what i feel
yet im not quite there
just inbetween
forever falling
Copyright ©
xXxmegsxXx
... [
2005-11-04 15:43:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: falling
(User Rating: 1 )
by sride686 on
Saturday, 5th November 2005 @ 07:40:33 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Not a bad right but I’m going to give you some truthful criticism sorry if you don’t like it. You need to work on the way you flow it together in the rhymes. I have some problems with this myself because in my mind it sounds perfect but to others it lacks the flow that it had for me. All in all it was a good write and I could feel what you were feeling and trying to reveal through this piece. Take care and keep up the writes….Steve |
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Re: falling
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kalika on
Tuesday, 10th October 2006 @ 11:57:55 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I know it's been a while since you wrote this, but sometimes it takes me a while to get to the good stuff.
I liked this a lot. The rhythmn of it was a little wierd but I thought it was perfect for the subject. I felt totally out of control. I'm sorry for your pain, and I seriously hope things are better for you.
Kali |
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