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Slippage
Contributed by
sride686
on
Friday, 4th November 2005 @ 07:16:41 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Life in depths of insanity
Anguish that wont die
Questions of hurt
As I review my life
Inexplicable realism
For when did I die
When did I lose hope
In the prides of my life
Crooked sins with this evil grin
Lustful pride that comes from within
Hope never ending darker with greed
Black is my heart as I fall to defeat
My eyes are shut no longer to dream
Darkness awaits as deeper it breads
All this hate I can feel it within
Like a crimson river my death will begin
~Steve~
Copyright ©
sride686
... [
2005-11-04 07:16:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Slippage
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shade_ on
Friday, 4th November 2005 @ 10:12:45 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Well I was a bit distracted by your abnormal rhyming shame.
And on scale from 1 to 10 on the dark factor you’d get a 3.
Its an ok poem, your wording was good.
Keep trying. |
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Re: Slippage
(User Rating: 1 )
by fake_emptyness on
Friday, 4th November 2005 @ 11:47:53 AM AEST
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| not bad you have good thoughts, and questions to be asked. try to think of that. but all in all very well done. |
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Re: Slippage
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Saturday, 5th November 2005 @ 02:05:05 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Never mind what that shade said.
I thought your write was really good. |
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Re: Slippage
(User Rating: 1 )
by LolaWhite on
Thursday, 17th November 2005 @ 02:52:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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In all honesty...I have seen you write better poems, but I still think this one is good. I like the rythym because it is different than other poems you have written before. I remain a fan!
xox
Lea-Ann |
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